Sunday, April 22, 2007

Up in the clouds!!!

Finally I can open my blog. It's been a long time since I updated.tsk Anyways this entire week's like an illusion to me. Never thought I would tell her that I like her and that I would talk to her on the phone for almost an hour. Actually it's been going on for like four days now. Well not everyday since I don't want to bother her that much. Everytime we talk I feel like time stops and there's a deep feeling of bliss inside me. The entire conversation's like a time machine that stops everything that isn't of the concern for that moment. But ofcourse I also get annoyed coz the conversation cuts due to the fact that there isn't much credits left on my account. Damn Smart telecom! Can't they atleast copy Sun for an unlimited talk?! Geez everytime it cuts I feel like something is missing.. Coz there's so much to talk with her and I feel like the entire night's not enough for it. I just keep in mind that there's always tomorrow and it would be another day where I get to talk to her again..hehe Now I'm thankful of FlashGear public chat program.. Without summer would be dull and colourless.. Since it all started there.. Hmmm I wonder if she feels the same.. But anywho it doesn't matter as long as I make her laugh and all.. Atleast I keep her company even for some minutes of the late night..

Wow the entire post's about her.. nice nice, but why keep it inside when I can express it?hehe I like expressing to people alot. But it depends really on who and how. It all made me think of why there's a fine line between fear and love. Fear is there to supplement love in some ways. I mean how can you keep love without the fear of losing it? Love wanders around and when it stikes your heart, you don't want to let go for the feeling it gives is beyond compare. It think Cupid shoots the arrow only on one person and the other arrow is being given to that person inlove. Now, it all depends if that person is willing to shoot and hit.. And the other person's like a moving target that needs patience and perseverance to make a direct hit. Getting all impatient and annoyed would make the person miss thus creating a pool of annoyance since there was only one arrow left to use. hmmm maybe I still have the arrow in my hand....or have I launched it through the air.. dunno can't tell 'til it lands on the target.. Hopefully it does..hehe

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Another case of dismay..

Shit happens for a reason and this is one of them.. Although I'm disappointed at myself right now it's not going to be a headache for my part anymore.. I've done nothing wrong and there isn't anyone to blame.. All I did was to be honest of who I was and show what it is like to be different from the other guys.. But hey, if it didn't work then there is still someone that'll notice and maybe in return give the same deal.. Being turned down doesn't mean that I'm no good of a person.. It just shows that I'm not the right one so why be troubled with the idea of what would happen next? Respecting the female counterpart is not every guy's motive so if it's not every girls dream to have someone who thinks this way then there will be someone else to show it.. I don't think it's really hard to find one who thinks the same way with regards to girls.. If I exist then there should be one out there that thinks the same way I do.. I don't cry coz I have to be strong for the one in shambles, I respect for me to be respected, I keep fidelity a golden rule for hoping I would be treated likewise, I stay calm for nothing exists without a solution, I give whatever is needed to the situation for it to stay the way it was.. Rocking the boat isn't my thing so if it's not going to work that way then stop.. Shift to another and find what's best for me.. No signs of the girl liking me? Then there will be some other who will eventually give.. Can't force the issue on things more so if hope is not on my side.. Even the greatest of warriors can lose hope if the signs of success is narrowed down to despair.. I'm just a simple guy and no matter what I do there isn't anything more discombobulating than having hope on something that is of an illusion.. I like the person alot and if the person doesn't like me back then why push? The thousands of girls I see everyday, I haven't felt this way but if it's not going to be a right path then I should go back and wait for another road to open up and maybe cross it if the signs point to "yes go for it".. The person was perfect for me but I wasn't perfect.. Ok now it's absurd to think this way but puzzle pieces sometimes fit on the wrong side yet it looks perfect.. It's a matter of knowing the figure and making it match to complete the puzzle.. Like they say "To show true love you shouldn't just appreciate the rose alone, but love the thorns aswell".. This is what I did yet it didn't show how much I sacrificed.. I will then let the rose down and see who can take good care of it.. For it seems that I'm not the right heir for it's heart.. If I can find my princess then hopefully for her I can be her prince.. I haven't given up just yet but I know that it'll go nowhere for how will she know if I don't say it.. Is it wrong to like someone and make it unknown to anyone who opposes such idea? Why hide such feelings when they are there to be expressed? It's not the concern of anyone but the couples for they are the ones making each other happy with every moment that they are together.. There will be someone out there who thinks the same way.. I just know it..

Ok that was long.. well just pouring what I feel here even if I can't express it to the person for there is a hindrance.. Either sign is fine with me just aslong as I know what the person thinks.. Rejection is also acceptance in a negative way for it repels you to a lower level.. Can't like me back then she accepts me as a friend.. So why fret, eh? Anyways I know she doesn't like me so not going to be bothered by the thought as to tell her or not what I feel.. Not like before where I plan and get all rushed if I'll tell her or not.. If the person doesn't want me to say it then fine by me for it's no big of a deal.. So that's it for now.. Btw don't watch Sunshine! The movie sucks like a broken vaccum. Sucks at sucking that's how bad it is.haha Don't waste your money for that stinking movie! I mean going to the sun and not get burned?! Geez so Science is not having any arguments on this?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

How do you know you're inlove?

I just get the feeling that I'm really struck down by love when certain signs show up and this is what happens
1.Not able to sleep the requiered 8 hours coz daydreaming about her is better than just plain dreaming of her..
2.Not eating coz just by thinking bout the person's enough energy for me..
3.Talking to the person even if she's down to keep the company..
4.Knowing her interests to match it up with mine..
5.Disregarding past misunderstandings and make her feel that nothing happened
6.Always online to talk to her even if my moods not in the right place for she uplifts it in a matter of seconds when she replies..
7.Understanding her situation and not taking things on a rush..
8.Showing signs that she can channel out her troubles to atleast comfort her..

Now she's got me in a rush yet It's like a dream that makes me feel so relaxed..

What do you posses that got me this feeling of bliss??

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

What do you do?

Now I'm getting alot of questions on what to do if a girl turns you down.. Well for me if the girl turns you down try one more time if it doesn't work then that's the time to stop. Being persistent is not that appealing even if it shows determination.. Just leave the issue behind and not rock the boat.. If she turns you down then it doesn't mean that you two are compatible. Guys should also be considerate of what girls want and not think of their own interest alone. Isn't it a nature that you give the person you like what they want. If they want another person then give. It's not like you can force them to like you. And if you know that you're not a player and that you respect girls then just think that it's their loss not yours. Since they didn't give consideration a chance to know how you look at relationships.. It would only be your loss if you're the player type who just wants fun and all. Since no decent girls would look for a guy like that..

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Nothing to hold me back...

So now the only motivation to keep me forward is myself.. If the recepient's not happy with the determination then who else is but me.. There are lots in my mind for me to dwell on one thing.. Now one aspect is lost and the only way is to shift to another drive.. And that is to concentrate on my fields of interests.. Martial arts, diploma, and writing.. These three won't ever fade so why not stick to them as my main source of motivation? To excel in these fields is what I have in mind and nothing can change that now. If people change so does the certain inspiration associated with it. So if it shifts to something that never changes then that means there is no way to lose such drive. It's like hanging on a ledge that will never crack and the only mode of losing it is not to get a tight grip.. Wherein with a human being it's like holding on a ledge that's made of clay.. Once handled wrong it breaks and you fall on the ground with every living cell in your body gasping for the breath of life once more to be able to climb back up.. Who wants to fall anyways? I don't.. And that gave me the insight that noone can make your dreams but you yourself.. Never depend on a living thing for it breaks and it's never consistent.. The one consistent is what your perception on the things around you.. It is hard to keep a constant determination with humans while physical motivation depends on the one receiving the stimulus. Now it all depends on how I'll keep on my grip on the ledge and not stay there but to move upward. It's either I lossen my grip or fight the fatigue and eventually step on the ledge giving me a warm feeling that I've accomplished the first level.. The finish line is just waiting for me to cross it and hell I will with nothing to trip me on my way for it.. Afterall the three goals of mine mentioned above gives me enough energy to live.. Martial arts: for me to express myself physically and keeps me in shape Writing: to express myself in an abstract manner and to increase my creativity Diploma: a sign of achievement in life and to live in a pleasant road to success.. There is no room to be emotional for it lags the process of obtaining such dreams.. I'm mature enough to be dragged down by something that can never be fixed. If I handled people trying to bring me down coz I'm 20 years old but still in 1st year then this is just like an ant's bite. Every organ in my body's still working perfectly fine so why play dead if I can still stand up. Play the game by the rules and discharge every negative factor that comes in the way even if it takes a blood bath!!!

My bad got it all tied up in a mess and now struggling to be free. Can't go on lying down and getting depressed over my faults. What's done is done and the only way to go is forward. I've learned my lesson to think ten steps ahead before making a move. I'm not afraid to express what I feel but I gained a new knowledge to wait for the right time. To express is to let someone know what you think and how you deal with things. What's wrong with that? It's better to let it out rather than contain it and let the event get all restless. Timing and courage is the key to obtain the desired results.

More work and less sleep!!!!!

Monday, April 09, 2007

WTF!!! All models should be burned alive!!!

I just saw my EX' profile on Friendster and she's now a freaking model in England. Damn now I'm glad that we parted. My friends would tell me that I'm stupid for letting her go, but models aren't just my thing. I just have this grudge over them. Dunno why but it gives me an image that models are flirts and snobbish. Maybe from exprience interacting with them. What do they have to prove anyways? So what if they're pretty or handsome? It doesn't make them gods to look down on other people. They are just insecure weirdoes with nothing to do but try to get the crowds approval in their area of modeling. They think they can get anyone they want coz they have the "Face Value". Well glory to them and I hope they burn in the bottom pits of Coccytus with tridents piercing their "pretty" face. I asked my EX before when we were still together that if she thinks she's pretty. The answer "ofcourse, I'm pretty coz alot of people offered me to be a model". At first I overlooked that part of her ego, but give pride a chance to rest for God's sake!!! And I have this batchmate who is now known as Wacky. He was in this show called Big Brother. When we were in 1st year he told me what girls wouldn't like about him when he's rich, handsome, popular, and has a big gonad. I told him that maybe his ego's in the way for girls not to talk to him and for him being a loser in the batch. Now he's in Ateneo and the 4th year HS students shouts "Ay wala na luhod na tayong lahat nandyan na yung Big Brother eh!". That's the spirit HS students of Ateneo!!! Whip it up his face!!! Not to be bragging but around 3rd year I was offered to model a Coke commercial, but I turned it down. Why? Coz I wouldn't want to work with peabrains who thinks nothing but to stick up their "pretty" face up the camera or better yet they should stick it up their "pretty" ass!!! Plus I don't want to be talked about by model haters out there. Simplicity gives the peace of mind to go through life without trouble. If I'm not mistaken there are about 70% model haters around the globe and 30% of them are envious of the models they hate. Still 40% of them just hate their snooty wannabe attitude. If I could make clones of myself to increase the percentage to 150%. How I wish for them to deteriorate and wilt. We all evolved from apes and we all shit the same way so what makes models so different?! It's not their face that's beautiful, it's the make up and it shows that their face is but a canvas that was once clean. But with constant application of artificial beauty the face underneath now looks repugnant. So a message to models out there.... Shove your ego up where the sun doesn't shine and keep your pride to your mother******* self! We don't need your face to live. This goes especially to Filipino models who think their better than everybody else. Now every Filipino models think the same way and say "everyone should look at me coz I'm the most beautiful freaking person alive!". "F" them!!!

Whew now that's out my chest.. Got startled with the pics of my EX and reminded me how airheaded she was. Anyways it's late..... Well actually it's 6 in the morning so gotta sleep now..ZZZzzzZZZzzz

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Not the same anymore...

Oh well things gone bad and I am to point at. Things are dying down and nothing is of the consistency. A thorn obtained is a lesson learned. What else is there to do but try to stay the same. It was nothing on my part but it seems it was everything for the situation.. so..... Moving on? I guess so. A vase once broken can never get it's shape back even if it has undergone constant repairing. But I'll keep it that way. There's nothing else to do. My "daring" act made things turn to the impossible. Not a quiter but not also desperate. So you ask me if I'm not inspired anymore? I still am. Inspiration doesn't just go away. If dreams can serve as an inspiration what more with the physical? It's there especially when it has a great impact on the receiver. Still have the drive to write eventhough a silly act done. It was my dofoos move so noone to blame but the self.

Having a craving for the art of Capoeira. Finally an art from South America. I only knew that last night.haha Maybe some sessions will do but can't seem to find a decent trainer to work with. Plus I gotta lose 15 Kg before school starts. Gym gym gym!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

3 days relaxation period

Just got home from the beach with my friend's family and boy am I beat. The trip was like pressing the restart button of my brain. From the sight of the sea to the last drop of Royal was pleasing to my little world of pleasure. The stars, moon, and waves gives the combination of a no-migrane and stress free night. Atleast I had some action after a bum period of trying to grow a brain with nothing to do but sleep. There was still something in my mind that time and can't shake it off no matter what I do. Everywhere I look seems to remind me of it. Afterall it's the beach so maybe its the reason for it to trigger continously. The beach, the beach..wonder what links me to that thought..

Anyways maybe I'll post some insights later with the short "vacation" I had..

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

What is it again?

Beauty.. The one word that everyone thinks is pleasing to the eye. Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But is beauty only seen and not felt? Then what do you call love? Love is beauty, like I said before it is a work of art. It is to be felt deep within our inner self. So if love is beauty and beauty is not a necessity so that means love is not a necessity. Take for example a chair that has been credited as an art means it is not to be used as a tool for resting. If so then wear and tear comes to place and it fades the account that it is art. Nothing beautiful can be used as it's cause. A very beautiful car will give pain to the owner if damaged for it has passed from beauty to junk. Love is not a necessity, it is an emotion to look at life in a different perspective. Just like an oil painting that gives an abstact meaning of a certain scenery. There is no need for it to be viewed but viewing comes to place to ease the burden that life had given. The same goes to love, it gives life a much more colourful view but people can live without it..

So I say "To hell with love songs, Metal to the last breath!". Yesterday there was this shooting star that passed. They say that if you make a wish it'll come true. Oh really now? It's just a rock burning in the atmosphere waiting to be desintigrated before it reaches solid ground. What do wishes have to do with it?!

Down the Drain....

I think I said it too early.. Well actually I didn't get to say it coz she stopped me but the thought was still there. Damn now I'm screwed.. So much for the daring act. Feeling stupid and dimayed, I'm glad she stopped me. I don't know her reasons but I think it's of the mystery or it's too early.. Well my friend's parents invited me to go to the beach this holy week so I think it would take me off things for awhile and clear my head. I rocked the boat too far and now I know what the outcome would turn out. Christ! what a stupid act on my part.. #@&$ !!!!!

Anyways still gonna continue on the story I'm writing even if the boat's sinking. Hopefully a publisher would be interested and be off to the market. *sigh* Felipe signing out..

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Now my mind's out of the worries if I passed or failed anything! Good thing I passed everything, but unfortunatly not with flying colours. I'm in the pressure of having honours and all so maybe next year gonna aim for DL. Well my grandfather's a known microbacteriologist in Colombia and he expects me to follow his footsteps. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing but sometimes I get discouraged and it adds to the obstacle of going on with my career. Hopefully I'll get to med school and maybe transfer to England for my masters. So much on my mind to make this dream of mine come true. Still have this project to complete. You see my grandfather discovered a cure for acne and it seems to have potential in the market. Well dunno how to approach any pharmacutical company since I am still a nobody to the medicine world until I graduate and get my diploma. I think I'm gonna have to wait for me to sell the composition and I hope it clicks. It's kinda embarassing for my grandfather if ever I don't excel for he has a name and I don't. Go go go!!! Nomore slacking!!!

Atleast there's someone who eases the burden and loosens the pressure on my mind. I would like to thank this person for she made it easier to look at the brighter side of things..:D And now something weird is happening. My EX' BF is trying to be all buddy chum with me. I think it's a trick to lure me to her again. I dunno. Now I'm remembering her again and the annoying thing is I have this song stuck in my head because of her. "The Used - Blue and Yellow"

Monday, April 02, 2007

Fight or Flee

Ok so now I'm gonna do another daring act. I don't know if it's anytime near today but I will eventually this week maybe. Is it too early or will she take it as nothing personal and continue on? I mean it's not like there's no problem that is of the current. I don't want to be another burden and start another issue on things. So when is the right time to tell the dreaded words? Is it too early or are they being awaited for the next step to be unraveled? And no, the statement I'm about to say is not a question.. It's more like telling her what's on my mind. Wait wait.. I think there are enough clues on my blog to project a message. Well I think that talking about someone in a post means something even if it's depicting the third person. Especially if the person knows that they are being talked about. Hmm maybe maybe.. But still it's not giving me enough drive to say it directly. Not going to rock the boat so I dunno what move to make. Geez this is harder than chess!!! Come to think of it.. Maybe not.. Not say the words that can lead to more migranes. Yes migranes.. If they are taken the wrong way or the result's not appealing then it results to "Oh boy, shouldn't have said that". Lie low, lie low.. I still don't have the courage of doing it. What if it turns out bad? AHHH!!!

Oh another trivia. Scientists say that the jaw is an extension of the ribs. EH?! Don't ask me but I think it's far off. But it came from reliable sources so I guess it's a new obtained knowledge. Pepe from here in...signing out

Sunday, April 01, 2007


Now the signs are not flashing the right frequencies for it to be deciphered. Everything was mistaken that it is in the right alingment, but turns out that it's bending somewhere. Downhill from the disparity of judgement. None of it makes sense and it gives a dismaying state of confusion on the bearer's part. It all points to stopping the process and turn the other way. The counterpart's not pleased with the actions of attention. It seems that the attention is not doing it's job as a message. The giver has decided to go down the steps in order to maintain the momentum. Stepping on the last step will show sign of defeat ofwhich the overall process dissolves. Showing a bowing head and two half open eyelids to project a dazed image. To let time reckon the depths of confusion may be the right decision to make. Passing by and letting it sway along it's natural course and not breaking any stream of flow. Words of expression can't come out with discouragement on the side. These words might spell the breaking of a connection whose strength is not that strong. If affection is out of the question, then staying in the steps of fellowship is the only way to keep the momentum alive. What signs does this show in concern of the giver? Opinion based responses are "Cowardice". Is there any sign of a chance to the one going up the steps? Or the only way is to just stay where one is standing? The receiver seems to be in disarray with the givers actions. Not moving to not rock the boat will suffice for now.

This post is a(n)............

A. Excerpt of the blog author's story
B. Real life situation on the blog author's life
C. Stupid idea that popped out of the blog author's head
D. (All of the above)

If you took this question seriously then post a comment with your answer..