A Diary of My Little World...........

The road to nowhere...

2007-10-19T03:25:00.000+08:00

For more than a month I managed to find time to write on this blog. Well most of my ideas flew away anyways. But still I'm back on track. For the past few months I've been engaged in a tremendous addiction for bodybuilding. And to tell you the truth I loved it. Even up to now I'm having this weird feeling everytime I wake up. A feeling that I should be doing something that I want and not waste time. Yes, you guessed it. I workout 5 times a week and feel terrible on Saturday and Sunday coz I can't wait for Monday to start again. What can I say, I'm a gym addict that's for sure. Although alot of people are discouriging me to stop. Some say it's not working while some say my body's too big for my image. Then I start to put into consideration these set of opinions. If I listened to them then I would be left with nothing but regrets. The fact that I let people live my life. Why not let time pass and see how far I'll go. I mean I don't meddle with other people's interests so why let others meddle with mine? Why not let feel the right feeling? It's like driving a car going 130 Mph and not worrying about the time and destination. Why not feel free and let the speed take you away. Don't bother with signs telling you where to go. Like they said it's the trip not the destination that's exciting. So why eager to reach a destination? If the excitement is already happening inside you then why stop? There's no point to it. Let's say you did follow the signs and led you somewhere unfamiliar. And you expect it to be exciting yet you get boredom. Isn't that annoying in some sense? What I'm trying to point out here is that those signs are what you want to feel for the moment and not for a lifetime. If you dance, you dance cause you like dancing not the applause of the audience. That's the main reason why I live up to what I want and not let opinions disrupt my journey. Applause and acceptance are mere supplements of what you want to be. It's just like a multivitamin boosting what's really inside you. People can't live on multivitamins alone, they need "real" food to fulfill the assistance of such medication. The passion of doing something is like that full size meal that you gulp down and if you have time pack it with some multivitamin. Don't make acceptance be the main reason why you do such acts. Coz once the passion is dead inside, then there's no point in having applauses around you. You're not enjoying what you're doing anymore. It's more like enjoying the attention. And once the attention is gone then what? You regret of listening to opinions. Wouldn't it be better if you were famous cause you're special and not the other way around? If you were to ask me, I wouldn't want to be special cause I'm famous. It's better to be accepted with what you're made of, not with what you're trying to be.

Well that's long enough. Although I was drunk in doing this post, I tried to put my heart into it anyways. Hope you enjoyed reading it. Signing out............

Finally...

2007-06-20T19:19:00.000+08:00

For the love of God I could make it back to this blog that keeps on having a shut down.. Now I've forgotten most of my ideas and have to hypnotize myself to make it appear again..geezz Anyways just gonna state how good my first few days of my school was.. Until I discovered the schedule of a certain person.. Now it's only three times a week to meet up and that's not a hundred percent sure yet.. For the past few days I've totally changed my lifestyle and health.. I sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 5 even on weekends.. I've noticed that I feel rejuvinated after that kind of lifestyle and I'm gonna keep it that way.. I appreciate myself much more for the fact that I'm building muscles from every part of my body.. So much to keep me occupied that I'm using my braincells for the betterment of my whole being.. Getting dramatic but it's true.. The list goes on and now I want to have something far better than anything else.. A Sony Qualia Headphones!!! Having one would make me look at life in a whole new perspective.. For you see sound is a pleasure of mine that gives me an extatic feeling of bliss.. I'm sound sensitive and I get irritated when the sound quality is good but the headset sucks.. On the downside, it seems that I'm not going to have one 'til I get a job.. A headset like that costs 150,000 pesos or 3,000 US dollars.. I mean WTF!!! I don't care about the price tag aslong as it's cupped in my ears it's an irreplacable experience!!! Yet I'm still a student so that headphone's gonna have to wait..haha Actually I have a funny feeling that if that day comes....... I'm never gonna have a girlfriend for it will complete whatever emptiness I have..HAHA Right now, there's nothing more fulfilling than my gym routines.. I wake up everyday at 5, like I said, and go to the gym near the school.. Even if my class starts at 11.. I figured that it needs alot of discipline on the road to fitness.. I once had this dream of being a soldier and serving my country, Colombia.. I even keep a pamphlet stating the whole application stuff.. I'm dedicated to enter the army and maybe someday that will happen.. That is if I still can manage the time of being a doctor and a soldier.. Maybe a doctor in a military academy would serve me right.. So many dreams that are yet to be concretized.. And I realized something weird.. Everytime I go to the gym, there's this voice in my head asking me what's the point in having a good physique.. Well my answer to that little voice in my head would be self-confidence.. It's not that I don't have it, but reassuring myself that I'm in perfect health and being able to defend on some weirdo gives me the push to lift more iron.. I mean it's not good to be all bloated so why not give my body a break and do something good for it? I've had an experience before where I couldn't defend someone dear to me and I felt weak.. I'm a guy and I have to defend whatever threatens anyone or anything that's important to me.. Yes, that someone was my EX.. Although I'm over her it haunts my thoughts that what if I find someone and I couldn't do anything but watch when the threat comes.. I know it seems that I'm a warfreak but I'm not.. It's all about a guy's instinct and hope it follows through my genes.. There's this guy who kinda looks like a threat to me but I won't make a drastic move until it shows that I have to do something about it.. For now, I'm just gonna flee and avoid whatever conflict there is.. Plus it's a good thing that I have a new hobby which gives me the peace of mind that if ever something goes wrong with a certain person, I still have something to hold on to.. Basically there's nothing going on so I'm not sure yet.. Until then, there's still room for what I want to do.. Like I said before, I really am not into relationships but for me there's nothing wrong with alittle confession and I am willing to stand with it.. I'm not going to die if I don't have a GF so why force the issue, right? Well atleast I should know what the counterpart's thinking so I'll know what's going on.. Oh well that's it for now and hopefully I get my ideas flowing again..

And by the way, I didn't know that you could change the language setting on this blog.. I changed mine to Spanish and now I want to fly home.. Tsk how I miss Colombia.. My motherland and my people.. So, here I am signing out..

Drift Away....

2007-06-05T08:33:00.000+08:00

People would ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. My answer was that I need not one right now. I know my answer is quite vague and blurry. Need I say more if I can live my life without one? I mean I'm still young and a girlfriend is not the answer to complete every aspect of my life as of now. I still have dreams and tasks to concretize and it would only be a diversion if I had to focus my attention on a girl. I can live with my interests for now without any trouble of worrying if I would be lonely forever. Now is not the time for me to trouble myself of such petty thoughts of eagerness. Falling inlove would only involve in a pool of thoughts that would never go away unless done in a right way. It's like handling fire. If you touch it you would get hurt but if used in a correct manner it would do benefits and make life easy. So I'm taking my time to find her and stuff. Boys and girls are alike in a way with concern to relationships. We all wait for the right person to pop out. The only difference is that boys are the active waiters and girls are the passive ones. What do I mean by this? Us guys wait for the right girl and do the initial move to attract the girl. While the girl waits and attracts the guy afterwards or so. It can be the other way around for the girls, but whatever comes first the boys should be the ones who initiates the move. It would be weird and a huge turn off for a girl to tell the guy that she likes him and the guy hasn't made a move or something. In my behalf, it would be a long time before I wouldtell a girl what I feel. For the two times I did it, it all went wrong at some point in time. The first would be not to be too attached whileleaving nothing for oneself. And the second is that I should look beforeI leap. There's no regret for me doing this since every mistake I did is a valuable lesson to find the right one for me in the future.None of this has been a burden for my emotional aspect in life. No,I am not impatient but to blurt out the truth is that if the girl doesn't show any signs then why pursue? I mean it would look like I'm a hopelessloser with no dignity trying to please someone that had no interest inme from the start. Let's say I do get her attracted to me. Then what?It's like trying to be someone else and that would be a problem in the future. I admit that I had done a mistake in saying it but not a problem for me. Now I know that I should be a hundred percent sure that our interests match without me trying so hard to fit in. It's the best type of attraction. Getting attracted the natural way instead of the physical and persuating way. I know that I might have seen her, but I'm not goingto do the same actions I did before. I should wait and see if the signs are really pointing to a direction that is applicable to me. I jumped into conclusions and it turned out that it wasn't what it seems. So to avoid any misunderstandings with this one, I'm gonna wait and sit backto see if my intuition's right for once. I won't get emotionally attached this time for it will bring despair once too close. I'm single and happy with my status. Nothing to worry about unlike recently where I wouldwonder if what I'm doing was right or not. Disattached and faraway is the right thing for me to be able to know what's up her head for now.Not involving emotions for awhile and putting logic as the front line of defense to keep sanity intact. Everything was connecting until shehad to leave. She was here for the summer and now the chance will only flourish every summer. I should wait for that time and moment for I know it's worth it. For now, there's nothing that can distract me since there's noone to see in where I study. The university is now an empty space for me to be free. No worries of seeing someone and getting alltoung tied for some unknown reason. Yes, I know it's not appropriate to disconnect right away. But why wait for nothing? It's like trying to see if there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's the last thing that I would like to happen to me. Getting all worned up for an empty hope of happiness. Now I'm happy to be out of the worries that was once my pool of thougts. My conclusion is correct and now I'm going to stick to it. Nothing's happening? Then stop.. That's what I did so I shifted to see if there's really another pot of gold somewhere else. Maybe this is it.. Although the pot of gold is far from the region I live in. Left last saturday and going back next summer.. I'll see about what will happen then.. I know that I have lost to a school rival and now it's not that significance or any burden to my actions. What's done is done. Gonna have to see what this new attraction has brought me..

Jump start...

2007-05-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

Got to access this blog for 2 consecutive days and hopefully it won't be the last time today.. Been having the urge to write and all.. Anyways today was a pretty good day actually. Got to talk to someone important for I don't know how long coz of this stupid PLDT service.. Trying to open the topic if I can call the person but it think I would give it a rest coz it might look like I'm trying too hard.. So the day goes on and it kinda sucks for I didn't get to workout. Everyone said that working out should have rest days and stuff.. And I believe that too so tomorrow I'm gonna do extra for the rest I did today.. I learned that results doesn't come in an instant so I'm taking my time in having a healthy lifestyle.. No preservatives or anything that can jam my system. Funny thing is that I kinda relate everything to relationships.. Geez since working out only use skeletal muscles so I decided to use my brain aswell by thinking of ideas that would relate love to what I'm doing at the moment.. I had a little lesson that would give me a food for thought and it would be patience.. No matter how hard you try it seems that the results aren't showing up like it's supposed to be, right? Wrong! It's all up in our heads and how we look at the effort and result.. Effort may not bring the desired results if done in a wrong or awkward way.. Instead look at it this way.. Every effort comes a result in the end.. Good or bad it's still considered a result or an outcome.. Don't force the effort to bend the way you want it to.. Just take the effort slowly and feel it while being patient on the outcome.. Nothing that requieres development shows up in a day or two.. Do what ever effort that has been ongoing and amplify if necessary.. Make sure that the effort is being implied in the correct manner.. If the person says this then bend.. Don't force the issue and make it go the way you want it for it will break the connection inbetween.. Never get impatient for it will lead to desperation.. And believe me noone wants to be labeled as a desperate loser by anyone around them.. Do whatever basic style there is and go with it.. Just like waiting for a muscle to pop out from a desired part of the body.. Look at it in the mirror and see if there are any developments.. If not then there must be something wrong.. Change the position or so.. Same goes with relationship.. If nothing happens then there must be something wrong with the approach.. Try modifying it while it's still in shape.. Don't force the issue coz someone told you that this style works for all women.. Tell you what, most girls dress up like dolls thinking that it would catch the eye of every guy they pass by.. Well, not for me.. And I don't think I'm the only guy in the world who thinks the same way.. They are flirts and wannabes so why have a GF like that? Just be yourself and go with the flow of whoever you like and deal with it.. Don't like what the person really is in the end? Then talk about it and stay as friends.. Yes it's harder for girls to let go of a guy since they are the ones waiting for someone to come up to them.. Unlike guys, they go around and it's normal for them to ask a girl out since it's our nature to do so.. It would be weird and a huge turn off if a girl asked a guy out. So letting go for guys is nothing compared to that of the girls.. As I see it, maybe there isn't nothing going on in my love life but it's nothing to be bothered about since it would just ruin the whole mystery of who is out there for me.. Guys wait too for the right girl to be able to know if the girl is right or not.. Having that in mind makes the guy a decent suitor for he waits the right time and not drool over every girl in town.. For me, I'm just taking my time and effort for someone to be able to see if it's worth the wait and love.. I have failed once so it's natural for me to be cautious about this kind of things.. I don't care if my friends would tell me that I'm acting like a girl.. It would be my loss if I would follow everyone's advices to get all the number of the girls I see.. It doesn't work like that for me.. What if I jump too fast knowing the ledge is fragile and I fall before I realize it.. Commiting the same mistake twice is a very very stupid act for a human being.. I mean animals learn fast when they get hurt and try to avoid the danger by staying far away from it. And we are human beings capable of processing complex thinking with ease.. Then we spill the milk twice in the same place and manner? Don't think so.. I wouldn't want to be labeled as stupid.. Slow with girls is perfectly fine, but stupid with regards to relationships.. No way.. I'm not saying that I'm very picky and that I'm the perfect guy to think this way.. But look at it this way.. We only live once in this lifetime so why not get the best? Best doesn't mean the most goodlooking, smartest, coolest person.. But best with concern to your interest.. So what's my idea of a best girl for me? Everything simple.. No makeup, no perky accent, not trying hard to speak english, and usually helping her parents with everything.. Nothing really big but it's my preference. With all the double crossing girls out there, I think it would be the best thing if caution is being practiced..

So another long and weird post by a weird writer.. Anyways really bothered by the way I write.. It's not the same but I guess it'll do..:D Just happy that I can pour all of my thoughts in this blog again.. Oh and I got myself a weird source of happiness so I'm gonna share it in this blog.. I now have the waist line of 28 and I only weigh 63 Kg.. I have a waistline of a girl and that's good!haha Sorry for the perky happiness.. I know it's low but it's an achievement for meh! So I'm gonna sign out now.bye bye

Back again..

2007-05-27T04:27:00.000+08:00

It's been a month since I've posted something new here. Stupid blog won't let me enter my account. Anyways I've got alot to talk about but I'm gonna summarize everything so it won't take up much space. I've been through alot this summer. Summer classes to start with. It was fun I was hoping that it was a little bit longer coz the people are easy to get along with. Next is the love part. Oh boy this is the hard part. Well, my phone was busted for more than a week and didn't get to communicate with friends. Plus my comp was acting up so I had to reformat it 3 times. Jesus Christ whats with electronics?! They hate me, I know.. So, it's a matter of momentum change and alittle of disappointment. It's not like I didn't remember or got tired, but sometimes it's just out of my power to do something about it. I know it has slowed down and it's back to the drawing board. Had the chance and all yet didn't grab it to the fullest. I learned that maybe if it couldn't stand the test of connection then it's nothing to be worried about. Why? coz if I would worry about nothing then I would get nothing in return. Knowing that nothing will happen 'xcept the fact that it would only be as strong as friends then so be it. It's not like I would die or something. That's the point of existence. Being with someone in the end of your lifetime. But hey, I'm still young and maybe I will find whoever will be there for me. Boredome has stricken the whole meaning of my actions and now I should pay the price of not being able to do something. That's the main lesson I've learned this summer. Wait for the results but don't get too engrossed for it will consume one's virtue that is categorized as patience. I'm pretty sure that I would only have someone beside me by the age of 28. It's no big deal. The only problem is that I already had a basis for having someone that would be there for me. Yet it was a failure for the lack of physical contact and communication. It feels good to be able to hold someone. I know how it feels and it would be in my system to look for someone that would do the same 'xcept the leaving me for another guy part. So here I am now waiting yet not getting impatient. Thought I was close enough but it seemed to drift away. I'm going to learn to disipline my self to not jump into conclusions for it would make my world break into a million pieces. I don't know if what ever I did still stands. I'm alittle nervous of going back to school for I don't know if it's still the same if ever I see what matters to me as much as passing through that certain building. Maybe it has died down and I would just try my luck the next time I admit something to someone. It's rare for me to do that and now I would be more cautious of my actions. Not to say anything until it seems to be the appropriate time to say so. I busted another chance and yet I don't feel lost. It's the principle of mine that every disappointment comes a lesson afterwards to not commit the same mistake in the future.

Love is always around just like the air we breathe. It's just a matter of inhaling in the right place. Whatever you cough out means it's not good for your body and whatever makes you feel energetic makes your body healthy. Same with the love that you make your heart overcome. If it makes you feel sick then stop. It's the most logical way for one to keep sanity in it's line. That's the second time I admitted and I won't be doing it in the near future I guess. Have to be 100% sure before saying it. The first time yes it was a success but after 2years time it failed. The second was confusing since I don't know how to initialize any affection for what I know is to maintain and not to start one. I don't know how I would face whatever lagging that I commited but it's life and shit happens most of the time. Just like an education with lots of stupid homeworks to suck the life out of every student.

There I guess it would be better if I finish off here for I might get to dramatic and that is not my kind of thing. Hopefully someone would read and understand this post for I don't know what happened to my writing style. Maybe it's still the same but I feel that it has changed a bit from reading to much Shakespear novels and love stories. Damn! What going on with me?! I'm like a lovesick person who can't even initialize a conversation with the opposite sex. Geez, anyways this post would end here.... Pzzzt

Up in the clouds!!!

2007-04-22T04:18:00.000+08:00

Finally I can open my blog. It's been a long time since I updated.tsk Anyways this entire week's like an illusion to me. Never thought I would tell her that I like her and that I would talk to her on the phone for almost an hour. Actually it's been going on for like four days now. Well not everyday since I don't want to bother her that much. Everytime we talk I feel like time stops and there's a deep feeling of bliss inside me. The entire conversation's like a time machine that stops everything that isn't of the concern for that moment. But ofcourse I also get annoyed coz the conversation cuts due to the fact that there isn't much credits left on my account. Damn Smart telecom! Can't they atleast copy Sun for an unlimited talk?! Geez everytime it cuts I feel like something is missing.. Coz there's so much to talk with her and I feel like the entire night's not enough for it. I just keep in mind that there's always tomorrow and it would be another day where I get to talk to her again..hehe Now I'm thankful of FlashGear public chat program.. Without it......my summer would be dull and colourless.. Since it all started there.. Hmmm I wonder if she feels the same.. But anywho it doesn't matter as long as I make her laugh and all.. Atleast I keep her company even for some minutes of the late night..

Wow the entire post's about her.. nice nice, but why keep it inside when I can express it?hehe I like expressing to people alot. But it depends really on who and how. It all made me think of why there's a fine line between fear and love. Fear is there to supplement love in some ways. I mean how can you keep love without the fear of losing it? Love wanders around and when it stikes your heart, you don't want to let go for the feeling it gives is beyond compare. It think Cupid shoots the arrow only on one person and the other arrow is being given to that person inlove. Now, it all depends if that person is willing to shoot and hit.. And the other person's like a moving target that needs patience and perseverance to make a direct hit. Getting all impatient and annoyed would make the person miss thus creating a pool of annoyance since there was only one arrow left to use. hmmm maybe I still have the arrow in my hand....or have I launched it through the air.. dunno can't tell 'til it lands on the target.. Hopefully it does..hehe

Another case of dismay..

2007-04-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

Shit happens for a reason and this is one of them.. Although I'm disappointed at myself right now it's not going to be a headache for my part anymore.. I've done nothing wrong and there isn't anyone to blame.. All I did was to be honest of who I was and show what it is like to be different from the other guys.. But hey, if it didn't work then there is still someone that'll notice and maybe in return give the same deal.. Being turned down doesn't mean that I'm no good of a person.. It just shows that I'm not the right one so why be troubled with the idea of what would happen next? Respecting the female counterpart is not every guy's motive so if it's not every girls dream to have someone who thinks this way then there will be someone else to show it.. I don't think it's really hard to find one who thinks the same way with regards to girls.. If I exist then there should be one out there that thinks the same way I do.. I don't cry coz I have to be strong for the one in shambles, I respect for me to be respected, I keep fidelity a golden rule for hoping I would be treated likewise, I stay calm for nothing exists without a solution, I give whatever is needed to the situation for it to stay the way it was.. Rocking the boat isn't my thing so if it's not going to work that way then stop.. Shift to another and find what's best for me.. No signs of the girl liking me? Then there will be some other who will eventually give.. Can't force the issue on things more so if hope is not on my side.. Even the greatest of warriors can lose hope if the signs of success is narrowed down to despair.. I'm just a simple guy and no matter what I do there isn't anything more discombobulating than having hope on something that is of an illusion.. I like the person alot and if the person doesn't like me back then why push? The thousands of girls I see everyday, I haven't felt this way but if it's not going to be a right path then I should go back and wait for another road to open up and maybe cross it if the signs point to "yes go for it".. The person was perfect for me but I wasn't perfect.. Ok now it's absurd to think this way but puzzle pieces sometimes fit on the wrong side yet it looks perfect.. It's a matter of knowing the figure and making it match to complete the puzzle.. Like they say "To show true love you shouldn't just appreciate the rose alone, but love the thorns aswell".. This is what I did yet it didn't show how much I sacrificed.. I will then let the rose down and see who can take good care of it.. For it seems that I'm not the right heir for it's heart.. If I can find my princess then hopefully for her I can be her prince.. I haven't given up just yet but I know that it'll go nowhere for how will she know if I don't say it.. Is it wrong to like someone and make it unknown to anyone who opposes such idea? Why hide such feelings when they are there to be expressed? It's not the concern of anyone but the couples for they are the ones making each other happy with every moment that they are together.. There will be someone out there who thinks the same way.. I just know it..

Ok that was long.. well just pouring what I feel here even if I can't express it to the person for there is a hindrance.. Either sign is fine with me just aslong as I know what the person thinks.. Rejection is also acceptance in a negative way for it repels you to a lower level.. Can't like me back then she accepts me as a friend.. So why fret, eh? Anyways I know she doesn't like me so not going to be bothered by the thought as to tell her or not what I feel.. Not like before where I plan and get all rushed if I'll tell her or not.. If the person doesn't want me to say it then fine by me for it's no big of a deal.. So that's it for now.. Btw don't watch Sunshine! The movie sucks like a broken vaccum. Sucks at sucking that's how bad it is.haha Don't waste your money for that stinking movie! I mean going to the sun and not get burned?! Geez so Science is not having any arguments on this?

How do you know you're inlove?

2007-04-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

I just get the feeling that I'm really struck down by love when certain signs show up and this is what happens
1.Not able to sleep the requiered 8 hours coz daydreaming about her is better than just plain dreaming of her..
2.Not eating coz just by thinking bout the person's enough energy for me..
3.Talking to the person even if she's down to keep the company..
4.Knowing her interests to match it up with mine..
5.Disregarding past misunderstandings and make her feel that nothing happened
6.Always online to talk to her even if my moods not in the right place for she uplifts it in a matter of seconds when she replies..
7.Understanding her situation and not taking things on a rush..
8.Showing signs that she can channel out her troubles to atleast comfort her..

Now she's got me in a rush yet It's like a dream that makes me feel so relaxed..

What do you posses that got me this feeling of bliss??

What do you do?

2007-04-11T16:49:00.000+08:00

Now I'm getting alot of questions on what to do if a girl turns you down.. Well for me if the girl turns you down try one more time if it doesn't work then that's the time to stop. Being persistent is not that appealing even if it shows determination.. Just leave the issue behind and not rock the boat.. If she turns you down then it doesn't mean that you two are compatible. Guys should also be considerate of what girls want and not think of their own interest alone. Isn't it a nature that you give the person you like what they want. If they want another person then give. It's not like you can force them to like you. And if you know that you're not a player and that you respect girls then just think that it's their loss not yours. Since they didn't give consideration a chance to know how you look at relationships.. It would only be your loss if you're the player type who just wants fun and all. Since no decent girls would look for a guy like that..

Nothing to hold me back...

2007-04-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

So now the only motivation to keep me forward is myself.. If the recepient's not happy with the determination then who else is but me.. There are lots in my mind for me to dwell on one thing.. Now one aspect is lost and the only way is to shift to another drive.. And that is to concentrate on my fields of interests.. Martial arts, diploma, and writing.. These three won't ever fade so why not stick to them as my main source of motivation? To excel in these fields is what I have in mind and nothing can change that now. If people change so does the certain inspiration associated with it. So if it shifts to something that never changes then that means there is no way to lose such drive. It's like hanging on a ledge that will never crack and the only mode of losing it is not to get a tight grip.. Wherein with a human being it's like holding on a ledge that's made of clay.. Once handled wrong it breaks and you fall on the ground with every living cell in your body gasping for the breath of life once more to be able to climb back up.. Who wants to fall anyways? I don't.. And that gave me the insight that noone can make your dreams but you yourself.. Never depend on a living thing for it breaks and it's never consistent.. The one consistent is what your perception on the things around you.. It is hard to keep a constant determination with humans while physical motivation depends on the one receiving the stimulus. Now it all depends on how I'll keep on my grip on the ledge and not stay there but to move upward. It's either I lossen my grip or fight the fatigue and eventually step on the ledge giving me a warm feeling that I've accomplished the first level.. The finish line is just waiting for me to cross it and hell I will with nothing to trip me on my way for it.. Afterall the three goals of mine mentioned above gives me enough energy to live.. Martial arts: for me to express myself physically and keeps me in shape Writing: to express myself in an abstract manner and to increase my creativity Diploma: a sign of achievement in life and to live in a pleasant road to success.. There is no room to be emotional for it lags the process of obtaining such dreams.. I'm mature enough to be dragged down by something that can never be fixed. If I handled people trying to bring me down coz I'm 20 years old but still in 1st year then this is just like an ant's bite. Every organ in my body's still working perfectly fine so why play dead if I can still stand up. Play the game by the rules and discharge every negative factor that comes in the way even if it takes a blood bath!!!

My bad got it all tied up in a mess and now struggling to be free. Can't go on lying down and getting depressed over my faults. What's done is done and the only way to go is forward. I've learned my lesson to think ten steps ahead before making a move. I'm not afraid to express what I feel but I gained a new knowledge to wait for the right time. To express is to let someone know what you think and how you deal with things. What's wrong with that? It's better to let it out rather than contain it and let the event get all restless. Timing and courage is the key to obtain the desired results.

More work and less sleep!!!!!

WTF!!! All models should be burned alive!!!

2007-04-09T04:54:00.000+08:00

I just saw my EX' profile on Friendster and she's now a freaking model in England. Damn now I'm glad that we parted. My friends would tell me that I'm stupid for letting her go, but models aren't just my thing. I just have this grudge over them. Dunno why but it gives me an image that models are flirts and snobbish. Maybe from exprience interacting with them. What do they have to prove anyways? So what if they're pretty or handsome? It doesn't make them gods to look down on other people. They are just insecure weirdoes with nothing to do but try to get the crowds approval in their area of modeling. They think they can get anyone they want coz they have the "Face Value". Well glory to them and I hope they burn in the bottom pits of Coccytus with tridents piercing their "pretty" face. I asked my EX before when we were still together that if she thinks she's pretty. The answer "ofcourse, I'm pretty coz alot of people offered me to be a model". At first I overlooked that part of her ego, but give pride a chance to rest for God's sake!!! And I have this batchmate who is now known as Wacky. He was in this show called Big Brother. When we were in 1st year he told me what girls wouldn't like about him when he's rich, handsome, popular, and has a big gonad. I told him that maybe his ego's in the way for girls not to talk to him and for him being a loser in the batch. Now he's in Ateneo and the 4th year HS students shouts "Ay wala na luhod na tayong lahat nandyan na yung Big Brother eh!". That's the spirit HS students of Ateneo!!! Whip it up his face!!! Not to be bragging but around 3rd year I was offered to model a Coke commercial, but I turned it down. Why? Coz I wouldn't want to work with peabrains who thinks nothing but to stick up their "pretty" face up the camera or better yet they should stick it up their "pretty" ass!!! Plus I don't want to be talked about by model haters out there. Simplicity gives the peace of mind to go through life without trouble. If I'm not mistaken there are about 70% model haters around the globe and 30% of them are envious of the models they hate. Still 40% of them just hate their snooty wannabe attitude. If I could make clones of myself to increase the percentage to 150%. How I wish for them to deteriorate and wilt. We all evolved from apes and we all shit the same way so what makes models so different?! It's not their face that's beautiful, it's the make up and it shows that their face is but a canvas that was once clean. But with constant application of artificial beauty the face underneath now looks repugnant. So a message to models out there.... Shove your ego up where the sun doesn't shine and keep your pride to your mother******* self! We don't need your face to live. This goes especially to Filipino models who think their better than everybody else. Now every Filipino models think the same way and say "everyone should look at me coz I'm the most beautiful freaking person alive!". "F" them!!!

Whew now that's out my chest.. Got startled with the pics of my EX and reminded me how airheaded she was. Anyways it's late..... Well actually it's 6 in the morning so gotta sleep now..ZZZzzzZZZzzz

Not the same anymore...

2007-04-08T03:21:00.000+08:00

Oh well things gone bad and I am to point at. Things are dying down and nothing is of the consistency. A thorn obtained is a lesson learned. What else is there to do but try to stay the same. It was nothing on my part but it seems it was everything for the situation.. so..... Moving on? I guess so. A vase once broken can never get it's shape back even if it has undergone constant repairing. But I'll keep it that way. There's nothing else to do. My "daring" act made things turn to the impossible. Not a quiter but not also desperate. So you ask me if I'm not inspired anymore? I still am. Inspiration doesn't just go away. If dreams can serve as an inspiration what more with the physical? It's there especially when it has a great impact on the receiver. Still have the drive to write eventhough a silly act done. It was my dofoos move so noone to blame but the self.

Having a craving for the art of Capoeira. Finally an art from South America. I only knew that last night.haha Maybe some sessions will do but can't seem to find a decent trainer to work with. Plus I gotta lose 15 Kg before school starts. Gym gym gym!

3 days relaxation period

2007-04-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

Just got home from the beach with my friend's family and boy am I beat. The trip was like pressing the restart button of my brain. From the sight of the sea to the last drop of Royal was pleasing to my little world of pleasure. The stars, moon, and waves gives the combination of a no-migrane and stress free night. Atleast I had some action after a bum period of trying to grow a brain with nothing to do but sleep. There was still something in my mind that time and can't shake it off no matter what I do. Everywhere I look seems to remind me of it. Afterall it's the beach so maybe its the reason for it to trigger continously. The beach, the beach..wonder what links me to that thought..

Anyways maybe I'll post some insights later with the short "vacation" I had..

What is it again?

2007-04-04T14:37:00.000+08:00

Beauty.. The one word that everyone thinks is pleasing to the eye. Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But is beauty only seen and not felt? Then what do you call love? Love is beauty, like I said before it is a work of art. It is to be felt deep within our inner self. So if love is beauty and beauty is not a necessity so that means love is not a necessity. Take for example a chair that has been credited as an art means it is not to be used as a tool for resting. If so then wear and tear comes to place and it fades the account that it is art. Nothing beautiful can be used as it's cause. A very beautiful car will give pain to the owner if damaged for it has passed from beauty to junk. Love is not a necessity, it is an emotion to look at life in a different perspective. Just like an oil painting that gives an abstact meaning of a certain scenery. There is no need for it to be viewed but viewing comes to place to ease the burden that life had given. The same goes to love, it gives life a much more colourful view but people can live without it..

So I say "To hell with love songs, Metal to the last breath!". Yesterday there was this shooting star that passed. They say that if you make a wish it'll come true. Oh really now? It's just a rock burning in the atmosphere waiting to be desintigrated before it reaches solid ground. What do wishes have to do with it?!

Down the Drain....

2007-04-04T00:54:00.000+08:00

I think I said it too early.. Well actually I didn't get to say it coz she stopped me but the thought was still there. Damn now I'm screwed.. So much for the daring act. Feeling stupid and dimayed, I'm glad she stopped me. I don't know her reasons but I think it's of the mystery or it's too early.. Well my friend's parents invited me to go to the beach this holy week so I think it would take me off things for awhile and clear my head. I rocked the boat too far and now I know what the outcome would turn out. Christ! what a stupid act on my part.. #@&$ !!!!!

Anyways still gonna continue on the story I'm writing even if the boat's sinking. Hopefully a publisher would be interested and be off to the market. *sigh* Felipe signing out..

Passed!!!

2007-04-03T04:23:00.000+08:00

Now my mind's out of the worries if I passed or failed anything! Good thing I passed everything, but unfortunatly not with flying colours. I'm in the pressure of having honours and all so maybe next year gonna aim for DL. Well my grandfather's a known microbacteriologist in Colombia and he expects me to follow his footsteps. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing but sometimes I get discouraged and it adds to the obstacle of going on with my career. Hopefully I'll get to med school and maybe transfer to England for my masters. So much on my mind to make this dream of mine come true. Still have this project to complete. You see my grandfather discovered a cure for acne and it seems to have potential in the market. Well dunno how to approach any pharmacutical company since I am still a nobody to the medicine world until I graduate and get my diploma. I think I'm gonna have to wait for me to sell the composition and I hope it clicks. It's kinda embarassing for my grandfather if ever I don't excel for he has a name and I don't. Go go go!!! Nomore slacking!!!

Atleast there's someone who eases the burden and loosens the pressure on my mind. I would like to thank this person for she made it easier to look at the brighter side of things..:D And now something weird is happening. My EX' BF is trying to be all buddy chum with me. I think it's a trick to lure me to her again. I dunno. Now I'm remembering her again and the annoying thing is I have this song stuck in my head because of her. "The Used - Blue and Yellow"

Fight or Flee

2007-04-02T06:01:00.000+08:00

Ok so now I'm gonna do another daring act. I don't know if it's anytime near today but I will eventually this week maybe. Is it too early or will she take it as nothing personal and continue on? I mean it's not like there's no problem that is of the current. I don't want to be another burden and start another issue on things. So when is the right time to tell the dreaded words? Is it too early or are they being awaited for the next step to be unraveled? And no, the statement I'm about to say is not a question.. It's more like telling her what's on my mind. Wait wait.. I think there are enough clues on my blog to project a message. Well I think that talking about someone in a post means something even if it's depicting the third person. Especially if the person knows that they are being talked about. Hmm maybe maybe.. But still it's not giving me enough drive to say it directly. Not going to rock the boat so I dunno what move to make. Geez this is harder than chess!!! Come to think of it.. Maybe not.. Not say the words that can lead to more migranes. Yes migranes.. If they are taken the wrong way or the result's not appealing then it results to "Oh boy, shouldn't have said that". Lie low, lie low.. I still don't have the courage of doing it. What if it turns out bad? AHHH!!!

Oh another trivia. Scientists say that the jaw is an extension of the ribs. EH?! Don't ask me but I think it's far off. But it came from reliable sources so I guess it's a new obtained knowledge. Pepe from here in...signing out

Discombobulation....

2007-04-01T04:20:00.000+08:00

Now the signs are not flashing the right frequencies for it to be deciphered. Everything was mistaken that it is in the right alingment, but turns out that it's bending somewhere. Downhill from the disparity of judgement. None of it makes sense and it gives a dismaying state of confusion on the bearer's part. It all points to stopping the process and turn the other way. The counterpart's not pleased with the actions of attention. It seems that the attention is not doing it's job as a message. The giver has decided to go down the steps in order to maintain the momentum. Stepping on the last step will show sign of defeat ofwhich the overall process dissolves. Showing a bowing head and two half open eyelids to project a dazed image. To let time reckon the depths of confusion may be the right decision to make. Passing by and letting it sway along it's natural course and not breaking any stream of flow. Words of expression can't come out with discouragement on the side. These words might spell the breaking of a connection whose strength is not that strong. If affection is out of the question, then staying in the steps of fellowship is the only way to keep the momentum alive. What signs does this show in concern of the giver? Opinion based responses are "Cowardice". Is there any sign of a chance to the one going up the steps? Or the only way is to just stay where one is standing? The receiver seems to be in disarray with the givers actions. Not moving to not rock the boat will suffice for now.

This post is a(n)............

A. Excerpt of the blog author's story
B. Real life situation on the blog author's life
C. Stupid idea that popped out of the blog author's head
D. (All of the above)

If you took this question seriously then post a comment with your answer..

Another Morning insight

2007-03-30T02:16:00.000+08:00

I've always heard people blaming love when they feel pain.. Love is never linked to pain.. It's true being is to give happiness.. The thought of having someone where you can share your life with and create a bridge to a new world gives the assurance that you're not alone.. Avoiding solitude is the goal of humans.. Noone wants to be alone.. So how do we create the bond with another person? Simple, Love is the bond.. A bond that cannot be deciphered by the five senses.. It can only be felt within our real nature as to what made us exist.. It's like having one thousand islands and for every island there's one person.. There's a bridge linking every island, but you're scared of crossing for it seems that the bridge would break once you step on it.. But someone called your name and said that it's safe to cross.. Ok now you trusted the person and crossed the bridge.. You get to know the person and appreciate their island.. Then it comes to a point where you two agreed on building a stronger bridge so the visiting would be frequent without any second thoughts on crossing again.. The strength of the bridge depends on the cooperation of the two.. Let's say a disaster striked the bridge and it collapsed.. Now you get mad and blame the person on why he/she didn't do his/her part on making the bridge strong enough to withstand mothernature.. But will it be logical if you blame the bridge? Ofcourse not.. So why blame love when one gets hurt? Don't cross the bridge if you know it's not worth it.. It's not love's fault that you two got together.. Love is there to make connections.. When this connection breaks and is followed by hatred afterwards then it is not called love anymore.. It's anger.. Anger is the one that inflicts pain not love.. It all depends on how you handle it.. Never blame love for the pain that you experience.. Try touching a flame.. It hurts but it wasn't the flames fault that you got burned.. Can't change the nature of fire so use it wisely.. Fire is formless and it goes where the wind blows.. Just like love.. It follows where you want it to go but don't play with it for it can hurt you and once it does it's the most devastating experience that could happen to you..

4:30 in the morning and feeling dizzy now.. But can't fall asleep coz I just talked to her on the phone!!!haha I'm still having an adrenaline rush from the phone conversation awhile ago.. Wow I didn't know someone could make me feel this way.. Anyways gotta sleep now bye bye.. post a comment if you wish..:D

Rejuvenated!!!

2007-03-29T02:18:00.000+08:00

I feel rejuvenated when I talked to her on the phone.. Funny thing is that while talking to her I was walking around the house and felt nothing of the pain that I endured in the sparring practice.. Time seemed to stop and nothing else mattered.. All I can say is that it was better than any pain killers I had taken.. Now I really want to finish my story so I can show it to her.. I've been having this thought inside my head after talking to her.. Gonna share it in this post but it's not complete since I plan on adding it up on my story.. It would spoil the fun if I did write it all down.. Anyone with a good imagination can get my message here easily.. So here goes..

There he was, a little boy walking in an alley with a frown in his face.. Passing thru the depths of the dark alley not knowing where he should go.. Lost in his pool of thoughts, he tried to keep a straight face for noone to see the real bitterness he feels inside.. A man then came near him for he knew that the boy was troubled.. Trying to get the boy's trust he then eventually managed to make the boy sit beside him on a crate.. Looking into the eyes of the boy he then asked why the long face.. The boy then explained his concerns trapped within his little world of despair.. He was mad at his partner for leaving him for another.. He didn't understand why people prefer having something that is of proof with the five senses.. He thought that giving beyond what is normally seen would make his partner give the same.. The man explained that it doesn't go that way.. Few people can give the metaphysical side of their being and to receive it is alot greater than to furnish.. Giving is something already known and expected by the giver.. And when a reaction is made it is then received by the giver and it creates a pool of emotions not knowing how to handle the reaction.. If someone would give a gift to a friend and would not wait for a reaction then it would be a rude thing to do.. Since it should be a give and take.. The man went to a much deeper explanation.. Love is the only metaphysical aspect of life that can destroy or create.. It is higher than anything else that is physical.. It is of a perfect form and will never be distorted.. Yes it can destroy if it's handled the wrong way.. But it's true nature is to create and make bonds with anyone who's capable of receiving it.. Somebody has to give it in order for it to be received.. Anyone capable of handling both sides is a rare and spectacular sight.. For it only indicates that the person has mastered the how to handle a relationship.. The boy then thanked the man for giving him a new perspective in life.. He understands now that his partner wasn't capable of handling the beyond.. His love is slowly being returned to him while it is being taken away from his connection with the one who wasn't grateful of his sacrifice.. Not everyone can receive.. Especially something so vast and powerful.. He started walking his way to the road where life is harsher for he has learned something new.. He learned to give what is only needed and show what is neccessary.. Now there are greater tasks for him to be finished.. He knows that he would soon find someone who can bottle up what he has to give and keep interest in what he would show..

It's 5 am in the morning so forgive the grammatical errors and the chronological order of the story.. It would be fixed once I get the final run.. Go ahead post any comments.. *snoring*ZZZzzzZZZzzz

Everything hurts!!!

2007-03-28T00:47:00.000+08:00

Just been to this fight club and every living cell in my body hurts like hell! Atleast I get to be one of the winners..haha Been named "Makina" dunno why but I think that's a compliment..:D So the day ends with a smile in my face and a warm feeling of accomplishment.. I feel like a real man after the fight.. That's how men should feel anyway after beating their opponents in a one on one battle.. The night goes on and I got a chance to talk to her on my way home and she saw the crappy photoshop creation of mine..haha But despite the things that has happened today I feel down.. She told me that she was sad and that she wanted to cry.. I dunno why but I think it's something really personal so I didn't pursue the queries.. Maybe it's because of...................nah I don't want to assume.. I just don't know what thing made her want to shed her tears.. Got a hypothesis though and if my assumption's correct then it's a spiral vortex leading to a loop of bleakness.. But there's something I've learned with the fight awhile ago.. Yes I learned something from it coz I tend to observe everything around me.. Anyways, I got hit alot of times and I was out of breathe and got a broken rib(I think).. But nonetheless I disregarded the beating and the pain that I absorbed and I was still able to give my last few blows to take down my opponent.. That's what I have to do.. Even if the beating's too much I still have to fight coz if I quit I would never know the result and it would lead to the question "what if".. Unless a move is done a certain situation will remain dormant until it fades.. Just look at it this way.. Your in a mall and you want to know where a certain location is but you don't want to ask someone for help.. Then how will you know the location? Time passes by and you still don't know where you should go and it comes to a point where the mall closes.. Then you ask yourself "what if I asked someone for directions?". And you come home pissed coz the reason of going to the mall went all down the drain.. Sure there's always tomorrow, but it's just a simple situation so don't base every reasoning on this situation alone.. Still blurry.. So let's shift to something much deeper..MUs.. How will the person know that you like him/her if you won't tell them.. Or let's say both of you won't move? Then comes a time where you get tired of waiting and shift to someone else.. See what I mean? What if one of you would move then there's progress.. Then you lay down in bed asking "what if I told him/her?".. After the question comes the sleepless nights knowing that a chance just flew away.. A task that will never be completed and never will.. A task that plagues ones thoughts with regret.. Get what I mean now? I know it's far off my topic.. What I'm trying to say is that I won't be disheartened with just a simple beating.. If I let the pain get in my way then I would surely lose the match.. Just like this fight that I'm into now.. The only time I'll step down is when I've had enough or the situation is too murky to even lay a finger on it..

Ok ok, I'm not pissed while writing this.. just irritated of the twitch that I feel on every muscle in my body..Damn it hurts! Oh guys ever seen cartoons where they get to see birds and colours when they get socked up? It's real.. Belive me it happened to me awhile ago.HAHA But I only saw colours and weird shapes when I was hit in the jaw.. Tsk, I wanted to see birds too!:))

I suck at photoshop

2007-03-27T03:08:00.000+08:00

I won't be able to talk to her for four days coz she has some relatives visiting..argh! it's ok atleast I can still chat with her thru text.. But it's not the same.. Anyways, gonna have a sparring session later and I'm excited!!! I think I got the message she was telling me awhile ago.. She told me to take care and have fun..hmmm maybe it concerns the sparring thing.. Gosh I'm so slow!haha

Well here's something I did in photoshop and it kinda sux.. Coz I forgot how to use this program.. Just tell me what you think.:D

Schoolmate rivalry??

2007-03-26T17:10:00.000+08:00

So now I know what to do in this kind of situation.. I'm not going to step down until I've shed my last breath.. Well I can't be physical so I'm gonna play this game the way it should be played.. The one in the middle is like the referee who decides who wins.. I can't force to win the game or else it would spoil my chance on getting ahead.. We'll see what happens in the end.. I'm not a psychic to predict the outcome of anything.. Hopefully the results would be reasonable enough for me to handle..:D

Blah blah blah, anyways gonna go to a friend's house tomorrow and go to a fight club.. So long since I had sparring and test my skills..haha I hope I won't get beaten up and go to the hospital.. Gonna be a fun day tomorrow.. Not really coz I won't be able to chat with her....i think... but I'll do everything to talk to her tomorrow..hehe

Unbelievable...

2007-03-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

Ok I watched "The Notebook" for 4 times and it struck me big time.. Shit I never shed a tear but now.. Fuck! What was in that movie?! My love life? The story was so good I couldn't resist not watching it again.. It showed what a relationship should turn out.. How I wish that would happen to me.. Well not with the third party, but the fact that everyday is magic for the couple.. It means that there is a unique connection that will never be broken.. Now I'm really going to be more careful so I can have someone like that.. I envy those two.. Maybe that's what made me shed a tiny tear.. It felt good actually to release everything you feel inside.. But no, I have to stand up and act like a man.. Men don't cry and never will.. Men are the protectors of women and it's alright for them to cry since they are fragile.. That's the main reason why I don't cry.. Never until now that I watched this overwhelmingly depressing movie.. Now I remembered everything in my past because of this clip.. And I would never forget what she last told me.. It made me look in the mirror for five freakin' months.. Asking myself why I'm not goodlooking.. Well fuck it! Everythings about the face! If the face commits an accident, then what? Shit I've heard people tell me that I'm goodlooking, but with what my EX told me the compliments are all disregarded..

Anyways I guess I'll just have to wait.. Maybe I've met her or maybe not.. We'll see..

Hey, I know that movie....That was once my love life

2007-03-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching "The Notebook" and it wasn't really a happy experience for me.. I got flashbacks of what happened to me before.. Not that I haven't moved on, but the past will never be erased.. My memories are there to hunt me 24/7 and it's driving me insane.. I'd really pull the trigger in my head if it happens to me again.. The first time's a lesson the second time's suicide.. I mean my EX's mother telling her not to go with me coz I'm poor and not too appealing.. Ahhh damn what does money got to do with love? I don't show her material things coz I don't want her feelings to depend on it.. What if I don't have the money to buy her things anymore? So she'll leave me hanging like a piñata waiting for someone to kill me.. Love should not be expressed with material things since it will contradict the essence of it.. Well can't fight the wind so I just accept that most girls are like that.. I think around 99.99% of them are materialistic.. Geez The freaking last words "I'm sorry Felipe, but I've found someone better looking". It never goes away no matter how hard I tell myself that she's just after the fun..

What the Fuck's wrong with these people??

2007-03-25T05:27:00.000+08:00

Ok now I'm writing this post in a pissed mode attitude! Damn I just came from this reunion of rich people trying to top everyone else.. I mean c'mon! Who cares if you're fucking rich.. As long as you don't brag about it then it's fine.. But geez for the love of God.. I've noticed that of all the races it is the Filipinoes who usually do this.. It's like they brag and brag until you already get sick of it and puke your way out the discussion.. "I own this, I own that, I have this, I have that".. Tell that to someone who cares! At the reunion awhile ago, there were people discussing about their accomplisments and their skills.. "Mas maganda yung innovation ko kasi mas malaki kompanya ko".. Eh ang yaman mo kasi kaya dapat siguro lumuhod kami sayo!! Why is it that they have to boast about their freakin' success.. Can't they just keep quiet and let someone praise them instead of praising theirselves?? Who'll praise them if they themselves do all the praising? If they want the attention then they should just shut up and let nature take it's course.. Make it natural for the people around them to do the praising.. People say like "Hindi naman ako mayaman eh", but they brag of their possesions.. So much for being humble.. And people who are just posers and trying to be rich should also keep their ego low.. One time I was looking at a store called Mont Blanc at Poweplant and experienced the most insulting statement ever thrown at me.. Browsing at the store I saw this fountain pen that costs 350,000 pesos.. I then exclaimed "Taena sinong bibili ng panulat na ganyan kamahal!".. The storekeeper made a weird look and upon hearing this giggled.. I didn't mind it at first but when I started to check some belts I was also shocked with the price.. 45,000 for a freakin' reptile skin that you wrap around your waist!!! I had a shocking look at my face then the storekeeper went beside me and asked "Bibilhin mo ba yan? Mahal yan..".. Oh What the Fuck!!! He did not just say that! I then returned the insult saying "Eh ikaw mabibili mo ba yan? Diba tagabantay ka lang? taena ka pala eh!". I didn't wait for a response since it was absurd to do so.. I just don't get it why people try to get attention with their wealth...or imaginary wealth.. I think they should shove every ego they have up their a** and die..

Sorry for the post guys, but I'm just really pissed right now.. I'll still post some of my insights so don't think that my other posts would be like this.. Actually it depends on my mood.. Anyways I guess I've made my point and I stand on what I believe in when I say "Screw wannabe's and airheads!"

What's with the physical?

2007-03-24T03:36:00.000+08:00

Has anyone ever noticed why my posts are mostly about love??haha it's simple, coz I'm inspired to do so..:D Wonder if she likes to read these mushy posts of mine..haha Anyway here's one:

Ever heard the phrase that the physical doesn't count, it's what's inside the person that matters? Well I believe in that phrase but not completely.. Ofcourse the physical comes first because that is what you initially see.. You won't approach someone who looks like a killer or a drug addict, right? Yes, looks can be deceiving at times that is why you should know the person first before getting emotionally attached.. Humans have this notion that if something's beautiful in one aspect then the rest follows.. Well not for everything.. Ever heard of compensation? It is done in order to mask something unpleasant for it to be accepted.. But ofcourse we can't choose what physical attributes we would want to have before we were born, but what I mean is that people tend to abuse these traits.. They think that being physically attractive would get them whatever they want.. Since most people have the same mentality, it is what they do as part of their nature.. The sad part is that when the mask is removed it would create a great misunderstanding between the people concerned.. Just like in a relationship.. It's not right to just focus on the outer beauty alone.. Why? Ok I'm going to repeat it again.. People engage in a relationship to experience true love.. If Love is an abstract emotion.. Then it relies on nothing of the physical.. True love is beauty..it is a work of art.. it is indistructable.. If you say that you love the person cause she's beautiful or he's handsome then that is not love.. Physical beauty can be shattered and once it does shatter then the so called love is lost.. Ever know why it is hard to love someone? It's because love is too beautiful and powerful to handle.. Once engaged, it will be imbeded in the hearts of the lovers.. Wheter you love the person through physical or metaphysical means.. Both go as one that is why they feel the same way.. Don't be fooled with what you think is love and in the end is just pure infatuation.. Remember the most important view is the metaphysical.. It is the other half of love that lasts forever.. People try to find partners who has this mentality for them not to be rejected in the end.. They fear that their lover might not love them when the time comes.. The fear of being left alone when their physical assets have done it's part and vanished.. We then try to look beyond what is normally seen to know if what we feel is real.. For me it should be 5% physical and 95% metaphysical.. that way we can love both parts and still feel the reality of things..

Anyways, I'm beat.. so guys just post a comment down below..:) Wait for futher posts coz I think I won't be doing much this summer except for writing.. Ever since I got an inspiration, ideas just start pouring like rain.. Soooo bye for now..... Panda signing out...pzzt

Finals over = Hibernation

2007-03-23T12:03:00.000+08:00

Whew the finals are over and now comes the hibernation part.. Can't wait to sleep 10 hours a day!!WOHOO Shit happened this school year but ofcourse there are fun parts too.. Well to avoid annoyance I just remember the fun parts.. Why dwell in the sad moments when you can be happy with the fun memories? Anyways got to say goodbye to my classmates for this upcoming looooonnnggggg vacation.. And the good part is I got to talk to her for like..........5 mins.. haha it wasn't like yesterday but atleast I saw her..weeee Got scared when I saw her mom.. thought she was going to shout at me..haha anyways I have more time to write stories now since I have the time and inspiration to do so..hehe So wait for further posts..:D

Does it really have to end?

2007-03-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

Another day passes and tomorrow's our last day.. Damn today may be just a normal day for others but for me it was really significant.. We got to talk about deep things and insights.. Something that has never happened before.. I made her laugh and all.. Everything was in random and had the best day with her.. I dunno today was just different.. How I wish that I can still talk to her tomorrow.. But if not then I'm gonna have to wait.. I just don't have the drive to write something long right now.. But hey atleast I get to talk to her for the last time..:D

¿Y Ahora qué?

2007-03-21T20:59:00.000+08:00

Ahora no sé lo qué siento. Creo qué soy muy confundido.. Ella me gusta a mí pero no quiero hacer la situación màs grave.. Estoy tratando de estár calmado con lo qué esta pasando.. El niño qué ella se enamoro me esta molestando un poco.. Pues ella me dice que todo esta controlado y mañana ella le va a hablar.. ¿Creen qué puedo encontrar con ella mañana? O hala si Dios quiera puedo hablar con ella antes de salir para los vacaciones.. ¿Tal vez puedo preguntar por el numero de la casa? HAAA ¡Todo estos preguntas me estan parando mis pelos apunta! A Dios le pido qué'l dia mañana se colabora con mis planos..

¿me puede dar consejos? jaja Lo necesito pocos ahora..eeeiii mandame lo qué tú piensan y de pronto me pueden ayudar.. :D

Afternoon insights

2007-03-21T15:15:00.000+08:00

Now I know why love is something humans can't live without.. It is a form of expressing ourselves for us to be accepted and understood.. This concept can be linked to art.. Art is something created by humans to express their deepest thoughts in this world.. Just like in physical art, the artist expresses his thoughts through the use of a brush and a canvas.. The same goes with metaphysical art.. The only difference is that the brush is our love and the canvas is our partner.. We paint it by expressing it to that person and then showing it to the world.. For an art to have good feedbacks, it should show passion and life.. Then how do you make an art worth looking at? Take time and don't rush with what you want to express.. Be gentle in the strokes that you make.. Brush with passion, not with rage.. If you made a mistake in the strokes don't throw your brush and destroy the canvas.. There is always hope in fixing your painting.. One should just be patient and finish the painting before pointing out the mistakes.. Don't concentrate on the mistake, rather learn from it by observing.. After the painting is complete, that's the time one can go back and fix the mistakes.. Everything in detail cannot be seen as a whole unless putting it together as one.. Look at love as a whole..not as a part.. You wouldn't want to miss the whole thing just because you concentrated on one thing.. Love is an art.. since it is created by man.. Love is a rule.. to preserve that art.. Anger must never be accompanied with love.. Anger leads to destroying and how will something be created if it is destroyed at the same time? One can never have passion and rage at the same time.. Love creates life and rage destroys life.. Rage destroys something so that nothing will exist.. How will something be of use if it is destroyed.. It is better to create for us to utilize the outcome.. Be passionate and don't be misguided by negative emotions.. Love is not a negative emotion....and never will it be one..

I'm feeling sleepy today so I got this stupid idea in the back of my head.. Forgive the confusing post.. Just had 30 minutes of sleep.. Yep! I dunno why but even if I'm in bed with my eyes closed I can't sleep.. And when I check the time it's 30 minutes before my wake up time..damn.. So anyways I would like to have some feedbacks on this confusing post so I can reconsider your thoughts.. Alittle opinion won't hurt so go ahead..:D

She saw my hair!!! But it's ok:)

2007-03-20T13:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing happened today.....................not!!!haha ofcourse something significant happened.. I was with her again!!! Here goes, I went out the gates near Beato to buy something at Ministop but the drink was out of stock.. The one thing I crave for is out of stock!!! MILK TEA!!! I don't know what ingredients are in that drink but it's addicting..*drool* So anyways while I was about to go to 7 Eleven my friend texted me that she's infront of Beato.. I put aside my craving for awhile and hurried back to Beato.. Well I saw her passing by the opposite direction.. We then ate at KFC and had a little visit in the hospital.. Her friend's grandmother's in the hospital so we all came along.. The funny part was that I glanced at her alot in the room coz I was thinking she wouldn't see me since it was alittle dark.. I dunno if she noticed it.. And one of her friends talks alot!haha I thought she was getting alittle akward since we were talking about some game.. Sorry!:D

Anyways today's conclusion would be........................................FANTASTIC!!!haha Whew what a rush this day has brought me.. Plus she had her hair tied.. I like it coz it looks better and it shows her complexion..:) She looks prettier that way..:D

Man2 x (Woman + Love + Man1) = Triangle of Love +War

2007-03-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

Ever had this feeling that when you care too much for that person you tend to give everything even if it means letting go? Ok I know that most of you have heard this corny clichè, but it implies to me.. It's nothing more than just me being an observer.. I tend to observe too much and analyze things to the point I get too engrossed with the situation.. From what I see is that this certain situation is very fragile.. It's like a vase that has been broken by someone who's clumsy and while being repaired I come to the scene wanting to touch it.. Without me knowing where the fragile points are for me to hold the vase right where it wouldn't break.. So now I just sit and watch how things will go and not expect on the results that I would want for it to turn out.. Ofcourse I feel down when I know that I can't do much to fix it.. All I can do is to stand straight and fight the gush of wind towards me.. I won't bother going against the flow for it'll make me tired and I might not be sure if I can reach the far end.. But I'll do everything to dodge the impediments that goes along by following the direction of the flow.. If ever I do get smashed on a rock then the only thing to do is push myself away and start flowing with the rapids again.. Dodge every opponent in the way and strike when necessary.. With everything you do feel before you act.. not think.. Feel where the rapid is going to take you, this way you know where to start swimming the opposite direction to avoid the rocks. Coz thinking only leads to miscalculations then depression follows.. A guy should always stay gentle but firm at the same time.. Ever thought why bamboos are easy to bend but hard to break? This is the characteristic a guy should have in everything they do.. So how to break a guy apart? Ask Venus..the goddess of Beauty and Love.. What impact did Cleopatra have to the kings that raged war against each other to win her love? Why do men fight for something that can also kill them in the end? What do women possess that they can break the natural instinct of men? Men cry because of love.. Is this how a real man should act? No!!! Bend with the wind and not break.. That's the true nature of man.. Go with the flow..Bend with the wind.. All of this for men to survive just one simple emotion.. Love..

Dunno what came to me when I was writing this post.. I was about to write about what makes love so powerful but it shifted while I was listening to the soundtrack of 300 so got alittle testosterone flowing more than needed..haha Did you know that the Spartans and Alexander the Great had the same technique in battle? Yes, Alexander was a homo but his superior tactical skills in war made him one of the greatest generals.. But on second thought I would rather be straight than be great and gay..haha anyways just post a comment if you want...............:D Persians: "Drop your weapons!!!"
Leonidas: "Come get them" A-HOO!!!

My Hair!!!!

2007-03-19T19:51:00.000+08:00

First of all.. why do Science students have to have their hair short?? We can still memorize things no matter what length of hair we have!!! F*** the system!!! ahhh How am I going to show my face to her tomorrow?! I look like an egg!!! Jesus Christ! I told the barber to trim but he just snapped away like crazy! *sigh* now I'm having second thoughts on talking to her.. But the year's going to end so I just want to talk to her for the few remaining days.. Oh well just have to face whatever reaction I get.. geez The tension's killing me now. I think I'm gonna faint.. Anyways my head feels cooler and it's the ideal haircut for the summer so I guess it's ok.. Hopefully I'll get no harsh comments tomorrow..

Hair Grower!!! I need it! So here I am worrying on what reaction I'll get from her.. *yoink* maybe it'll be a good one.. I dunno.. We'll just see then..hehe My friend told me that I look like someone from the movie Cast Away I then said Thank you thinking it was Tom Hanks.. Then came the twist, he said not Tom Hanks..Wilson.. OMFG that's the ball Tom Hanks was talking to when he went insane!!!HAHA I look like a volleyball!!!:))

Why Don't You and I..............

2007-03-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

Just a song that I keep on playing in my player for three days straight..haha

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Every time I try to talk to you
I get toungue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world we'll be
together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Ever time I try to talk to you
Get tounge-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world we'll be together
forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
But about the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world we'll be
together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world we'll be
together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I'll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world we'll be
together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again

Wooooo, typing cramps .... well it's "Why don't you and I" by Santana featuring Chad Kroeger

Mood Swings!!!

2007-03-18T01:56:00.000+08:00

I just had the greatest day with a little annoying moments.. First the annoying moments.. I almost couldn't access this stupid blog coz they didn't initialize some stupid data that was in my e-mail. Had to recover it the hard way.. Goddamn it!!! So now the good part.. just had a long chat again with her from 3 to 6.. well like any other chat it wasn't continous.. but it was still long!!! She calls me a panda..hmmm wonder why.. She drew a cute panda by the way on her Devianart site.. made it my wallpaper..hehe but while I was chatting with her I saw the trailer of 300 on TV and realized that I haven't gone to the gym for a long long time.. Damn I need to get back to shape!!! I miss doing the exercises that I read from Bruce Lee books.. And BTW they really work.. Had his body shape in no more than one month.. Anyways back to the topic, she had to leave coz it's late anyways.. With a little text messaging I then had to read Phil History afterwards.. Oh and you know how irritating history teachers are? They get mad at the conquerors but don't they know that atleast they accelerated civilization in this country?? Gezz just leave the past alone and give thanks to what they did.. And the worst thing that happened today was the BF of my EX e-mailed me.. Talking bout friend stuff.. What the?? what's he trying to do? I'm not mad at him or anything but it doesn't seem right for me.. I'm kinda thankful that he existed.. If he wasn't there how would I know the real attitude of my GF? Atleast he was like the ultimate test.. A test to what my EX said.. "I wouldn't ever leave you for any guy in this world".. So David Naylor's from Mars then..HAHA I just found out why people do the silliest things when involved in a certain situation and ask others for advice..

When one's in a situation we tend to make a close bond with it.. This bond creates a certain enclosure for one to focus on it.. For example in a relationship.. We focus on our partners to maintain the bond with them.. So whatever happens inside the situation is undisturbed.. That is why we create like a force field around it.. Now when problems start to arise the only solution one can think of is that of what is enclosed within.. what is trapped inside the ball of the relationship.. Then comes the asking people for advices.. Since the people we talk to aren't involved in the situation they can come up with more solutions.. They don't just look what's inside but also what's outside the ball.. The tendancy of dwelling to much on the situation is our view is too narrow.. We only see solutions based on the limited view of things.. Black or white.. We don't see the many shades of grey that lies within black or white.. Ever heard someone say that to solve a problem is to think outside the box.. It means to picture oneself outside the situation.. Once outside, look for possible solutions then that's the time to go back in.. That is why it seems to be a good choice to look for other people for guidance.. They're outside all the time.. Consulting friends, family members, teachers etc.. Well for me it doesn't work that way.. I just bottle it up and try to solve my problems on my own.. I don't want to drag anyone in thinking they might get to involved and may never get out.. Martyr?? no I'm not the kind of person who expresses that much.. maybe that's why I'm always gloomy.. No fret coz it's who I am.. People tell me that I would die faster if I keep on doing it.. same goes with eating fast food and junkfood.. what makes me different? they keep on telling me that crying is a good therapy to release the depression.. Nope It's not my kind of thing.. I never cry..never.. people think I'm insensitive but it's who I am.. Why shed tears over something that can't be fixed even with the greatest of actions? Then what makes tears so helpful? My EX left me and I didn't shed a tear.. but destroyed most of my things in my room.. Isn't that one of the most hurtful thing that can happen to a human being? Being desserted by someone that you trusted with your life.. I just lead my anger to another route for it to be channeled out.. I believe that crying is a sign of an uncompleted task that you regret not doing with the person concerned.. I didn't cry with my EX coz I did what I believe a good BF would do.. I cared, loved, respected, protected, and most of all I gave her the fidelity of a BF.. I was lenient in everything she would do and say.. I didn't deprive her of anything she wanted to do.. She wants space, then so be it.. She wants someone else I just ask why.. But what happened? It all went down the drain.. so now you ask why I didn't cry? Simple, I gave her what she needed in a relationship and I have no regrets whatsoever.. She gave me something in return.. and that is a lesson that not all girls are worth it.. Ok call me a woman hater but I don't care of what people have to say.. So I have to go with the flow and follow them if they say that I should court alot of girls and have tons of GF? I don't think so.. You know why common guys have lots of GFs? That's coz they have little to give and nothing to care about.. It's like having a bank account that has 1 million dollars and the next day watching the bank you deposited your money go bankrupt without them giving you what you've lost.. Compare it to someone who has 10 dollars.. Ofcourse it would be a very devastating experience for the one who lost a million bucks compared to the one who only had 10.. It would be a traumatizing experience.. Then the person would have second thoughts of keeping his money in banks no matter how good the reputation the bank has.. That's how I feel about girls.. No matter how perfect the girl may look, my past experience would still be of a hindrance to me.. I'm afraid of giving something that would later go to waste.. Atleast I want someone that would treasure and recognize what I do for her.. just a simple sign that atleast she recognizes what I'm doing.. *sigh* That is why I look at girls differently.. I'm afraid of the chains that was once clasped in my hands when I was still with my EX.. DO THIS, DO THAT, DON'T DO THIS, DON'T DO THAT.. those words are the ones instilled in my brain at that time.. Yes I was being a follow dog and I felt like a puppet.. ENOUGH I won't be a stupid dog again.. Have to stand up for my sanity's sake!! Nomore Mr. Puppet!! The chain's already broken and I'm not with her anymore but the clasps remain on my wrists and ankles.. I'm just here waiting for my princess who holds the key of unlocking these clasps and break me completely from the agonizing memories that I still remember from time to time.. But when I do get attracted to someone else, I raise my hand and try to touch to know her alittle.. But then again I hear the sounds of the clasps and it reminds me of the painful experience I once had.. Then a voice would pop inside my head asking, "Are you sure?".. To be honest..no I'm not sure.. How will I break free if I keep on looking at the remains of the chain? But then again what makes me so sure that she has the right key to unlock the clasps? The cycle of questions are driving me insane in a way.. But it's better to be sure than be dead by trying too much.. Hopefully just hopefully someone out there holds the key.. I know she's out there.. She does exist..:)

Shit I'm all mushy and dramatic now.. Advice for the readers to please prepare an airsickness bag beside you incase you barf with my post..HAHA I wasn't depressed when I wrote this.. so don't go all "He's all emo" No, I'm not.. Just want people to know why I act this way towards the opposite sex..Ohhhhkkkkaaaayyy change of topic.... Anyone of you like gothic stuffs?? Try watching Cradle of Filth on You Tube.. I recommend Nymphetamine.. the video sux coz the lyrics and the acting doesn't match but it's still the shit!!! haha BTW they're based on a vampire gothic style of art so bare with them..hehe Oh and did you know that you can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze? It always closes upon sneezing..:D that's far off but a little trivia hasn't hurt anyone..hehe so..........anything else?................nothing?...................ok then...................*Felipe Medina Soriano* has disintegrated.................................................

Oooohhh, a letter...:D

2007-03-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

Ok ok I just did another daring act.. But first I met her again infront of Beato.. Normal conversation stuff like that.. I didn't talk much coz she kinda busy.. I think she was studying for some written exam.. So what I did was glance at her...alot..haha It strained my eyes.. Just like the strain you get from cheating a 100 item test.. You know the "look in the corner" technique.. So I said some jokes for her not to feel akward.. Time goes by and she had to go to her class.. My friend told me that their class wouldn't start at 1 o'clock but she went up at 12.. I think I forgot to tell her..:D sorry..:Phehe anyways I accompanied her infront of her building and told her that I was going to her something.. She said "wag na".. hmph sungit..haha joke:D And so I gave her a letter that's written on a lame lame lame lame lame paper..haha As soon as I gave her the letter I felt as if my kness were going to fail me.. Oh boy I wonder what she thinks of the letter...Soooooo NERVOUS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and before that I asked one of her friends something about her..hehe not going to tell who I talked to..:P there were two friends of hers at that time..HMMM I wonder which of the two..HIHI Eeny Meeny Miny Moe........

Another day with her...yay!!!

2007-03-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

You know how I met her again? By chance..haha I was walking with a friend looking for a clearbook for a submission report and when we entered the gate near the gym my friend saw her.. Oh boy, I told him to act normal and not look too much so it would seem natural when I see her face to face.. My friend suggested to sit down on one of the benches where she would pass by.. and so while walking toward the bench I ran for an unknown reason.. Maybe it's the rush you get when someone you like passes by..haha It's like drinking 30 Red Bulls on one sitting! I don't know why but I always try to get her attention...alot.. KSP? Maybe, coz it's worth every attention that she gives.. The simple "Oh kumain ka na ba?" or "Uy ang sama mo!" makes me happy in a way.. I try to start small talks so that she wouldn't feel akward and stuff.. I like her to smile so I just say the silliest jokes I can ever think of.. There's something about that smile, like it folds on the lower lip.. Reminds me of how clowns smile.. no I'm just kidding..HAHA don't get mad*puppy dog eyes*..:D but seriously it's very eye catching.. Well it caught my attention..hehe Going back to the scene.. We ate at Jollibee and I just can't help but look at her.. I glance then I look at something or someone else so it won't be too obvious.. But she still catches me sometimes so I just giggle.. And so we transferred to Arnis pav.. I was a bit nervous coz I saw "him" there.. I didn't know what was going to happen when "he" sees me with her.. and so we sat there and thank God nothing happened.. She tells me to calm down so I did.. How can I not follow a sweet voice like that?haha But it all had to end coz I had a test in Math.. Hopefully I can still see her tom..:D

Oh and her drawing looks like Teletubbies.. She said that they were supposed to be monkeys..haha Teletubbies are cuter than monkeys..hehe Anyways gonna write later coz I'm tired so am going to sleep for awhile.. bye bye for now and hope she reads this.. My friends are starting to bug me alot on who "she" is..haha Oops can't tell...........hihi Oh and I just had an allergic attack while writing this post.. I didn't know that the on the table had shrimps!!! I'm allergic to crustaceans..*sigh* good thing I can breathe now..tsk tsk

What do you get when you fall inlove???

2007-03-15T03:44:00.000+08:00

Here I sit writing again about silly things.. I just wondered why I have this sudden shift of identity.. I noticed it in my music listening.. here's the step by step process: Metal --> Alternative --> love songs.. What the hell's going on? Is it because I haven't felt this certain feeling for a long time? I like metal but nowadays It's all love songs.. Is this really what "it" can do? Is "it" that powerful to make me change? I never let anything change me but this time I admit that I couldn't hold back and went with the flow.. Well take note that the "it" here is refered to a noun.. an emotion.. a powerful one.. I just can't believe something so unexplained can change things in a matter of days.. Why do I want "it" to manifest in me? I don't know.. Is "it" really the one doing this or there's another factor? What is this factor? Well for me to answer this I have alittle analogy on that.. Picture a pole 100 ft high with a platform on top of it.. done? ok then imagine yourself on one top of that platform.. you start to look at what you are standing and noticed that your feet are covering the entire platform.. Start to imagine someone else with the same situation 50 ft across.. you look at this person and start thinking if he or she will look at you when you exert a call.. Let's say your expectations were met.. The person looked at you and smiled.. You two get along pretty well and eventually you started to feel a thin rope materialize in your right hand.. and the other end is being held by the other person in that setting.. As you two start to know each other better the rope thickens and you start to hold on the rope with greater force than you exerted before.. The situation of you two are going well until an earthquake shakes the poles supporting your platforms.. you try to balance yourself while diverting your attention to also help the person on the other end of the rope.. but isn't it annoying that you can only help that person from going to one direction? and that is backwards.. let's say you two figured out on how to solve the problem by leaning backwards to maximize the strength of the rope and lessen the wobbly effects of the earthquake.. the earthquake then stops and you two are in a position on which the rope is your only hope of staying on the platform..

ok end of story............ but the explanation starts here.. the story is about relationships.. Love relationships to be exact.. So now you guys now know "it"? I was referring to love.. anyways going back to the story.. It is hard to maintain your balance at the same time focusing on another thing..and that is balancing your partner.. If one of you lets go of the rope then it's bye bye relationship.. First you feel the pain of the rope slipping from your hand with friction to make it worse.. you hope but the rope still keeps on slipping so here comes the part where you feel hopeless of the relationship.. Either you let go or still fight the burning feeling of the rope.. Let's say it slipped then you must face the falling down part.. Ofcourse you won't feel the pain of falling down first, you feel the rush while falling down.. Thinking of what is going to happen if you do hit the floor.. Asking questions like "Is the floor soft?", "Will I be able to survive?" etc. then the floor hits your face.. this is the part where reality slaps you in the face telling you that the relationship is over.. It's up to you when you want to get up or not.. Now here comes the annoying part where you have to go up the pole again for you to be able to balance yourself.. Ok so you've reached the top.. At this stage you start to ask "would I want that to happen again??" Actually it's up to you.. The rope here is love and the other factors I was talking about is your partner and yourself.. yes yourself, since you should love yourself to be able to love others.. It's like a testing ground.. Test your love and if it's good enough for you then try and spread it..

Ok I'm going all mushy and stuff.. Don't get me wrong but this post is not created because of depression.. Like I said, whatever comes to my mind..I write.. So no , I am not depressed.. And don't base this post with the previous one.. I just miscalculated on the last post.. I can't delete the post coz she posted a comment and it'll serve me a lesson to analyze things first before jumping to conclusions.. Thank you:) You know who you are so smile..hehe It's has nothing to do with what I thought 8 hours ago so don't frown..:D smile:D C'mon you can do it!haha ok I'm being silly now..:P soooooo whatelse oh ya she was blooming awhile ago.. even if she says that she lacks sleep, she still looks radiant to me..:P Oh look what I've learned from observing wannabe hip hops and gonna use to end this post............... Imma log out na in da club ov d cool dudz so u pipz gonna av 2 catch me laterz..HAHAHAHA nd dnt make kalimut kalimut ur bling blingzzz bye ya'll.....

No I'm not hip hop so don't even think about it, was only imitating...............................................................................

Ever had a bad day?

2007-03-14T15:18:00.000+08:00

Blah blah blah, here's what happened with this gloomy day.. Had the normal routine in the morning and the usual shouting of my dad when I'm late.. Got to school early coz we had a finals test in one of our subjects.. Ok so I got alittle excited when I texted her.. Then I went to Beato where I felt like a major loser.. Goddamn it! I was like a pathetic loser peeping thru the door of her classroom.. After talking to one of my friends who is her classmate I went down with my other friend and we stayed infront of Beato..Talking bout stuffs and stuffs.. My friend told me that he had classes at 1 o'clock so I went to accompany him.. But he had the craziest idea for me to go to her classroom again.. And so we did...again...*sigh* So I just pretended to be facinated with the fire hose that was outside her class until I could gather up the thoughts and face her.. I don't know if she's just really nice or she finds what I did funny coz she smiled after my loser actions.. We ate at McDonalds and talked alittle.. Maybe it's just my paranoia but I felt that she was bored when I was talking to her.. Nice one Felipe, you just won a diploma of The Most Boring Person Alive.. And to top it all off, the guard from Beato building stopped me from going up.. I hate authorities, wannabe people who think they can order people around just coz they have the uniform to do so.. So now here I am at home thinking that what I did was wrong..

Oh well I can't change it, right? So might aswell leave it like that.. I don't really know what she was thinking at that moment but maybe it's the opposite of what I think..hopefully... Anyways did you guys know that the names McDonald and O'neil means The Son of Donald and The son of Neil? Mc and O is a shortcut of "The son of"..haha Trivia for you readers.. Gonna Sign off now and rest for awhile.. Maybe when I wake up I would still have some insights left to write down.. Bye bye *Kaboom*

Irritation to Happiness.............

2007-03-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

Just started this day irritated.. I just had another hour of sleep again! So I got to school going to PE class with a frown on my face.. The day was boring and all nothing interesting from the start.. To my boredom I texted her and asked what time her break was.. Well I think I went overboard since she didn't reply back.. So I got a little down and all but it was ok I didn't expect she would tell me anyway.. We got dissmissed from PE class and went to see some friends down Plaza Calderon.. To my surprise I saw her there near the gym buying food.. My friends pushed me and said that I should talk to her since we know each other already.. But I didn't want to rock the boat since she might think of me as a loser who only follows her around.. With constant convincing and lots of analyzation I went to her and talked to her.. She even called me a stalker..haha We hanged out infront of Beato with her friends.. I just don't know why I'm quiet when I'm with her..*sigh* Is my shyness too much? Oh well just gonna keep on trying to fight it then.. Hopefully she and her friends won't think that I'm some ornament..haha

Oh ya guys did you hear that Britney Spears went wacko in the rehab center? She carved "666" on her forehead! How deranged can a person be?! It just shows that money can't buy all happiness.. I mean she's a millionare and still depressed..tsk tsk Why would she even do that if she was happy with her life?? *sigh* the things people do when they think they're out of hope.. So that's it I guess gonna eat now.. Just lost 10 pounds for only two weeks!!! that's too much I think.. Signing out:D click click *BOOM*

Morning Inspiration................

2007-03-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

Just here sitting and writing again.. What gives?? I've been writing too much..haha Is it because of my inspiration? I dunno really.. If you've noticed that my posts are long, that is coz I get my ideas from deep within.. I don't write just for the heck of it.. I know I know that it sounds weird that I only write something when I'm inspired.. You wanna know why? It's because inspiration is the basis of our passion.. In everything we do there should be passion.. There's no point on doing something without life.. Ever wondered why something made out of passion looks like there's life radiating from it? That is because the one concerned puts his entire life on doing something they're really good at.. Feel it radiate and giving everything to it makes it alive.. Even the smallest of things.. Isn't it better to have quality of things rather than have quantity? Picture this, would you eat something that look liked it just came out of the blender or something that is presentable and delicious? No matter how small the quantity of the presentable food is, it is still the best choice.. The ratio of satisfaction between quantity and quality would be 1:10.. Just like in everything we do..or in my case.. Who would read a post full of unnecessary words if it was not interesting at all? Well going back to the inspiration part.. We all have our own ways to find our inspiration.. Inspirations are what we see in our physical world and are waiting to be admired.. Admiration of something is the first step.. Since admiration only emphasizes on the external image.. But inspiration comes from deep within.. we admire a certain characteristic but we get inspired by the whole being.. External and internal admiration creates the burning passion that we now call as inspiration.. We see things differently that is why we have different outlooks and interests in life.. Our perception on things is what makes us unique.. People often mistake inspiration with admiration that is why they make mistakes with their work.. When I say admiring the whole being meaning the physical and metaphysical view of things.. That is why we need to create a certain bond with what inspires us.. This bond is linked to humans.. We create a bond that forms a bridge on that certain person.. Thus having a preview of their worlds.. You know why these so called human inspirations give us unimaginable creativity? Actually our creativity doesn't come from our own worlds alone.. It forms with the connection of two worlds that has been linked with a special understanding that two people create.. It is what others see in you.. They get ideas that aren't present in their world and try to introduce it to theirs and creates a fusion of ideas.. To make this short, inspiration is the fusion of ideas in a metaphysical point of view and the drive to make it visible with the naked eye.. Ideas are abstract factors that makes this world as you see it..

Ok so it looks like I'm very inspired, but it depends on what the readers think.. I don't judge my own work since bias would arise.. I let the readers decide and accept whatever suggestion they would give.. Personally, I give life to whatever I write..word per word.. Ideas and insights are written down in this web based diary to let everyone see.. What is my drive to write these ideas you say? Simple, she is my drive..DUH that is why she's my inspiration..haha We haven't known each other that much but I feel that whenever she reads this she gets entertained.. So everyday I write my ideas rather than keep it in my own pool of thoughts inside my head.. I want to atleast put my ideas to good use.. And now she reads this with a small smile knowing that she could use these thoughts of mine in the future.. It is my little contribution for someone who has a vast and interesting world that is trapped within the four corners of her house.. She has her own way of looking at things which is a good sign that she understands some of my ideas.. No I'm not obsessed with her, but isn't it rare for a person who thinks like she does.. My purpose of writing these thoughts in a blog is to let her know that she's not alone in her little world.. Atleast my ideas will keep her company with the hardships and sadness that she feels.. Maybe they will be like jesters on her world of happiness.. I dunno..

Ahhh it's late again and I forgot to eat dinner!!!haha sorry for the readers if this post is too dramatic but it's what came to my mind so I posted it.. Maybe to some what I post is disgusting and repugnant but it's a free country so why not post it?!haha gotta have cheese!!! Did you know that to make a kilo of cheese you need four litres of milk?? Nothing just a little trivia..hehe Oh and I asked someone 'bout the rice thing.. And they told me that it makes them full that's why they eat it.. So does eating a kilo of cottonballs so why bother with rice.. Pardon me if I keep on writing about rice but I just despise the taste..:D so here I am going to sign out.. Felipe Medina Soriano de Cali, Colombia over and out!!!!!!!!!!!! kzzzoooot

OMFG!!! DUDE, THIS DAY WAS THE BOMB!!!

2007-03-12T15:50:00.000+08:00

Ok ok let me calm down first.. I'll skip the boring part of my day and go to the interesting part! Our professor didn't go to class coz she's on vacation already and left us to self study alot of chapters..arghh so I went down to see if she was there where arnis classes are conducted.. When I first passed she wasn't there so I went outside UST to pretend I bought something and went back inside..hehe I saw her but she was already going up the grandstand so my friend dragged me infront of it.. I didn't see her but then my friend pointed her so I said hi.. I was alittle pissed to think that was a loser act and was determined to talk to her on my breaktime..I had to let my TORPEdo side vanish.. This was the day and I need to act.. Then the awaited moment arrived.. I first listened to Smooth by Santana so I wouldn't feel nervous..haha I gathered my thoughts and tried to be confident even though I was shaking and frozen in some parts of my body.. I almost had cramps!!!Argh! But I didn't pay attention to it so I approached her, and boy was I nervous.. Shook hands with her and sat beside her.. Damn was the feeling so intense and exciting.. We talked and stuff then came "him". I thought that "he" would punch me in the face or something..haha but she told me not to worry so I felt safe.. Imagine someone with such a sweet voice telling you not to worry..:D There was this ambiance on where we sat.. dunno if she felt it, but I felt very very happy.. It was calming and soothing.. I was hungry since I haven't eaten for almost a day but my hunger seemed to go away at that certain moment with her.. But ofcourse I was relieved when they were going to McDonalds..haha I was conscious eating since I didn't want anything go on my face like for example catsup or a pickle..haha We went back and I didn't want to go away but there was this stupid test on Theology so I had to..What a smile..and her voice....incomparable..well ofcourse every voice is different, but hers is like very gentle and soft.. Then dismissal came and went to Beato.. I was accompanying a friend so I wouldn't be alone and look like a stalker..:D So I introduced my friend and said bye again..ahhhh feels like heaven..My fatigue of one hour of sleep went all away with this talk we had.. I mean the girl that I saw and never expect that I would be able to know was beside me..How would I know that someone passing by Dapitan would be the one that I was talking to right now?? Someone so distant, so far away............From 10 o'clock 'til 1 o'clock..hmm Was she shy too?hmm she wasn't looking that much when we talked..eh so what?!haha Hopefully she was happy talking to me as I was with her.. Ofcourse I acted as if it was a normal event, but as soon as I got home..BOOM!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

WHAT A F@#!*!& EXCITING DAY!!! WOHOOOO YAHOOO WEEPEE KAZOOO BOOYAA AUUUUGAAA!!!HAHA EXTRAORDINARY DAY!!!

Yahooooo!!!!!

2007-03-11T03:50:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, woke up at noon and didn't know if It was going to be an inspiring day.. Anyways I was still groggy and disoriented when I stood up.. I didn't know where I was going and I almost fell on the stairs.. Geez what's happening these days..haha And I got myself a pimple!!! OMFG how am I going to show my face to her tom?? Eeep! gotta face the other way when talking to her..hehe Going back to what happened I had the chance to chat with her and it was for almost 2 hours.. My grogginess went away and I felt wide awake!haha She really is different.. Dunno how to explain it but she has her own way of being discreet..:D Makes me figure out the puzzle with a challenge.. I like that..hehe ok the day passed by normally and I kept on chatting with her.. She sure talks alot..:Phehe i like it, it keeps me entertained and awake..:D well she had to do something so our conversation was cut.. So I called my bestfriend and talk about the silliest of things.. Our conversation continued around 6 o'clock so it goes on and on.. I just feel comfortable talking to her..hehe I thought she was pissed when she suddenly signed out and immediately called my friend for advice..haha it's like calling Batman to fix a problem.. so she texted and explained why and told my friend it was a false alarm.. But we continued on talking while I was texting her.. She sure loves stuffed animals.. I do too but just alittle..:D maybe..............hehe It just shows that I'm not that scary as people think I am.. Maybe coz I'm just trapped in a shell and won't let anyone in until they are given the permission to come to my world.. It's not easy to let anyone in.. Let me put it this way. There are alot of double crossers out there so why let them invade your only place of sanctuary.. Think before letting anyone in.. they might destroy your little world and it's hard to fix it once it has crumbled..

Ah finally a short post.. but I still have a question.. What do you guys like about rice?!geez I would rather eat cotton balls..haha anyways I didn't see the moon today..:( I wanted to see that big cheese and fantasize eating it..hehe It's getting late!!! I have to go now.. Gonna hug my bunnies :P haha bye bye bye bye bye signing out..*pzzzzt*

What a great day!!!!

2007-03-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

Just watched 300 and it was the shit!!! I haven't seen a decent movie for a long time but today damn!!! It has something to do with Sparta and love.. This movie has taught me a very important lesson.. To never stop fighting no matter what shit people give you.. No matter how low the chances are to fight, it doesn't mean that one should give up.. I just can't describe how good I feel after watching that movie.. Actually it depends on the person if they like gorry stuffs with blood spilling and spraying all around.. It's a war movie what do you expect?? Anyways my day just started out fine and it was funny in a way.. I slept at 4 o'clock since I couldn't sleep of the excitment that happened while I was talking to her.. You know what it feels like when someone you like talks to you for a very long time.. ok ok, maybe it's weird but that's what I feel.. Afterall I'm weird so don't expect me to be normal..haha If the person makes you happy then why not feel the happiness?? So there it is I suddenly woke up doing something short of spectacular.. I was going in circles worrying that I was going to be late for the make up class.. I wasn't even looking at the time and when I checked it was still 11:30 and my class will start at 2:40.. Oh boy was I annoyed and dissappointed.. I got used to sleeping late and go histerical in the morning.. Time passed and it was dismissal time.. And the dreaded moment of my time happened to me.. If you guys read my post before about the girl who asked me for a date the day before valentines then you know who I'm going to talk about.. Anyways she asked me to go with her and I wanted to refuse but we were going the same route.. So I dragged along a friend to avoid the situation where we would be alone walking.. I hate it when girls do that.. No no I'm not saying that I'm good-looking to think that way.. I just don't know what makes them do that.. If ever they think I'm handsome or whatsoever then ok thanks, but for me it's just shallow.. I don't drag a pretty girl just to be with her and be her GF.. What the Fuck!!! Lemme describe the girls who do that.......GROTESQUE.. Yep that's the word.. They're deranged to say that they like a guy just coz of their physical attraction for the guy..geez The day goes on and I texted her on the way home.. My fatigue faded when she replied back.. I think she knows who I'm refering to with my posts..haha Hmmm....actually she might have a weird look on her face everytime I talk about her.. Like a "AHA! I got you!" face..HAHA Going back to my course of the day.. We went to Promenade to watch a movie and that was the movie I was talking about earlier.. I was observing the people in that mall and boy did I get sick.. They're all trying hard to be english speakers.. I saw a guy driving along the parking lot with the windows down and the music goes Boombs boombs kaboombs.. What are they trying to be?? Hip Hops? To hell with them.. And girls with mini skirts that would make my belt look longer.. Seriously! As if they are not wearing anything.. I prayed to whatever I believed in to please let not my future girl be like that.. Oh God I wouldn't want my girl to look like a sex symbol.. So you ask me if I got alittle excited with those get ups.. The answer is NO, not even alittle bit.. And to make something clear..I'm not gay and it doesn't mean that if I'm not interested in girls like a normal guy would be doesn't make me gay.. I just like to have a girl who'll be a stand out and be respected by the people around her.. Here's what I think a girl should be treated:
1. Always give them the attention they need nothing more nothing less
2. Make them feel special and loved
3. Handle them with care and respect
4. Always talk to her with passion
5. Look up to her with the love that you really feel for her
6. Don't make her feel rejected
7. Don't go to places that are reserved only after marriage(I think the readers know what I'm talking about)
8. ALWAYS I repeat, ALWAYS listen to her
9. Make her feel secure
10. Don't put her down as if she's a burden

Lemme put it this way: "La vida sin amor es un fuego sin passion" it says that Life without love is like a flame without passion.. do the above statements with passion not just by the heck of doing it.. that is if you really want to feel the "real" love that everyone dreams..

Sadly not alot of guys know this.. They think that doing something romantic will suffice.. It's not just by doing it.. you have to feel it.. And others just do it to the extremes.. I refer to guys who stalk too much and freak the girl with their so called "love".. I had this friend that was traumatized by this loser guy.. This friend of mine already has a BF and the loser guy fancied her.. Kept on giving notes and stuffs.. Until my friend's BF confronted the loser and warned him to back off.. You know what the loser said? "Eh kung hindi pa naman magpapakasal bakit naman hindi ko pwedeng makuha?" Wait let me calm down.. I might just blurt out every gross, rude, brutal, repugnant words that can be found in the dictionary........ There I'm ok now.. I mean what the fuck's wrong with this guy.. Ofcourse that's the period where you get to know your partner to be sure if they're the one.. Have you ever seen a decent relationship skip BF/GF relationship and go to marriage right away?? Damn, either this guy's desperate or he's just plain stupid.. I don't know.. If that ever happens to me......oh boy that would be a scene that should be censored.. These kinds of guys really feel what they say but remember they violated a rule..the first one that I wrote.. Always give them the attention they need nothing MORE nothing LESS.. just give them what they need don't exceed the limit.. Isn't it annoying if someone forces you to eat even when they know that you're full? What this desperate guy did was to give tooooooo much attention to the point that the girl freaked out.. Let's just say that she didn't have a BF.. It would scare the shit out of her.. My advice? Just leave alittle mystery.. Don't go drooling like a dog with rabies..everything in extremes are bad so don't exaggerate what you see on movies and books.. Don't be stupid that is why it's called a movie coz the situations are controlled.. and that goes to books aswell.. Life is not a controlled situation..it's random.. That is why shit happens.. The more you plan the more it'll not happen.. Just let it happen.. It's like what happened to me.. I didn't expect to like someone but then I saw her pass by.. Ever heard the phrase "it happens when you least expect it"? How would I know that a small, white, cute, girl with dark brown hair and colourful _ _ _ _ will show up? Ofcourse I got curious but I wasn't looking for her, it just so happens that I saw her.. And I wanted to know her so how would I do that if won't ask who she is? So don't think that I stalk her or anything like that.. How would you know someone when you don't even know they exist? And I know that she's deep after knowing her alittle.. She has this thoughts that would not be present on a normal so so girl.. If she understands me then she must be like me, looking at things beyond the physical.. She's weird I like weird people.. Weird but rational..She has her own little world and I got mine.. Usually people only have one world which is this world we see.. Knowing someone with two worlds is very rare..almost impossible to find actually.. If I was desperate for a GF then I would have had ten by now and go with the girl that was asking me out back on Valentines day.. Then I would be defying my own words..

BTW I've been facinated by the moon lately..dunno but it's really big and full of texture.. Wish it was cheese!!!HAHA I love cheese!!! Yep I'm a little rat.. no wait they smell bad.. Ok I'm a clean rat..haha And I just wondered how people eat rice.. I mean it doesn't taste good..it doesn't even have a taste to start with! I hate rice it only makes you fat and bloated with no taste and colour..hehe Just remembered..I haven't gone to the gym for a long time....ahhhh Anyways any suggestions will be most appreciated..:) Pepito, Pepe, Ipe, Flips has signed out....*pfoooot*

Almost perfect, but not yet!!!WOHOO!!!

2007-03-10T02:38:00.000+08:00

How to start?? Ok so why am I happy today? Very happy actually!! Well I felt like shit when I woke up so I thought that this would be a gloomy day.. To start off, I had never seen alot of people so depressed.. All of my classmates feel shitty and I was no stand out.. But it all changed after lunch.. Jesus Christ!!! I was trying to see an oppurtunity to talk to her.. Was hoping real hard that the moments would make us meet so I can finally talk to her and be able to know what she really thinks of me.. Ok ok my friend told me that he saw her go to P Noval so I tried to stay there for awhile but no sign of her.. I just gave up and went to Plaza Calderon with my friends.. And guess who enters the gate?? It was ******, so I suddenly stood up and followed my friend that was going to buy siomai.. I was trying to gather up my thoughts on how to talk to her and be confident enough to be presentable.. So what happened when she passed?? You guessed it, another TORPEdo passed!HAHA I was holding a straw to look like I was buying something and just waved at her.. What happened to the "Gonna talk to her" plan?? Oh well so I was alittle disappointed coz I felt stupid and not courageous enough..*sigh* I don't know if my friend was joking around when he told me that she looked back two times or something.. Anywho I took this personality test in the guidance office so it took most of my afternoon time.. 566 questions!! what the hell!! So I came home and looked at her status in YM and she was offline so I didn't bother on looking at my computer that much.. Feeling all cramped up I just tried to relax with some yogurt and chocolates at the other room.. And when I came back....guess what?? She's online!!!WOHOOO ok ok i tried to arrange my thoughts and said hi and from that statement came a long long chat.. Actually started like 5 o'clock till 12.. ofcourse there are intervals but that's still a long chat!!haha So I can go up to her on Monday coz she doesn't (insert verb here) hint: what dogs do when they get mad at something..well I guess that's too much info but what the hey just figure it out.:p we played a game and I asked something in the end of our talk which was her (insert noun here) hint: it is infinite either way around..

Ok, so that's basically what happened to me today.. it's not really the exact feeling while writing it down.. Coz if it was, then I would be writing a real novel.haha but u know I feel sad when I know that she's sad.. I don't know why I had this thing that whenever I get close or talk to the person I am able to tell exactly what they feel.. To the girl that knows that I like her (it's obvious)haha do you really feel this way?? Like a wave that depends on the wind to shift her mood? Well it's like there was this person annoying the girl I like.. I know that it seems that as if I'm trying hard to be sympathetic but no.. Ofcourse I can't exactly explain what she feels in just a blog coz like I said before that emotions are abstract and cannot be physical.. ok you don't believe me? Try this: describe three things inside your room pen, desk, computer etc.. Now try to describe three emotions love, anger, happiness etc.. If you do can describe emotions I would like to see your description.. Post it as a comment.. Describing just one emotion is hard enough what more with mixed emotions just like what she feels? It's like the mixture of happiness and at the same time being pressured with alittle guilt.. Actually Sadness is just an illusion we make..It is a fake emotion.. Why you say? Simple, people are beings of love, compassion, and understanding.. These traits lead to happiness and can never dwell on sadness.. So why does sadness exists? Coz we made it exist.. We make our own problems and struggles in life.. We are the creators of our own mishaps.. Noone is to blame for what goes wrong.. Have you ever wondered that what we think is good will actually kill us someday? I mean we think that having nuclear weapons would make the country safer and stable.. Think the other way around.. What ever you build by physical means will destroy only of what is physical.. That is because we think and we seldom feel.. I think that I think this..that's pure BS! Feel what is good for you and not think about it.. Have you ever wondered why dreams occur during sleep? Coz it is when our thinking part of the brain is shut off and the emotional part is opened up.. Dreams are creative little scenes in your mind to make you feel what you really are.. Dreams talk to you and they talk by means of relation to this physical world.. What I'm trying to say here is that one should feel before you act and not think before you act..

Not to be weird but I know when she's sad and annoyed.. You know, hiding emotional pains by means of smiling is a nice way to show the people around you that nothing is of the trouble.. But your aura doesn't lie.. Emotions radiate and It depicts what you are thinking and feeling at the moment.. No matter how much you try to smile and act as if nothing's wrong, I can still sense it.. Nope, I'm not an alien but there are just some people that can see what others cannot..

By the way I think you know that I know that you know who the girl is in this blog..(confusing??)haha hmmm probably while reading this you have a small grin in your face..right?haha I've noticed, the girl here has been the inspiration for me to write this stuffs.. You know who you are..DUH!!!..HAHA

A very stressing dayyyyy.......

2007-03-08T03:52:00.000+08:00

Just got home and damn was this day stressing.. I had to attend two PE classes for the exemption of the written exam.. One PE day is enough and I had to do two 4 hours of PE in the same day....*growl* And what's worse?? I saw her and when I was about to stand up to talk to her, I had a vertigo.. Talk about timing!! Maybe it's because of my lack of sleep..so today I'm going to sleep early so I won't have any reason for not talking to her tomorrow *if ever I see her* .. And now my friends have a nickname for me..TORPEdo..HAHA And one of them even said that a torpedo's better than me coz atleast they hit the target.. What a comment!!!HAHAHAHA Tomorrow will be the day, enough of this shyness I don't care what her friends will think of me.. Plus I have this feeling that she's getting uncomfortable when she sees me sooooo.. Anywho decision made and that's final.. Hopefully she won't feel akward with me approaching her..And please please no cramps..Everytime I get nervous I get cramps on my calves..ARGH! Hmmmm.....what else happened today...let's see.......Oh ya you guys know the band Lifehouse? I don't know but it catches my interest nowadays..wonder why..hehe I guess that's it and maybe I'll post something else later on...:D

Nothing Interesting today............:(

2007-03-08T02:09:00.000+08:00

We just had this f***ngly hard quiz on logic.. And to make it worse everyone had problems in the classroom.. All of my friends were down in the dumps.. I listened to all of their problems and I was like..WHOA! First friend walked up to me and told me that he talked to his "EX" crush and was falling for her.. The thing is he has a GF and they're seeing each other for two years.. *sigh* Second friend fought with her BF coz she didn't ask permission to go out with a guyfriend. Her BF went berserk!! tsk tsk And the other was caught cheating in a quiz.. Ouch!! Well the day wasn't really how I planned it would be.. I didn't feel well for I only had 2 hours of sleep *again* and I had a strong migrane.. Despite the hindrances I tried to help my friends with their problems.. I told my friend who was confused to take this thing seriously for it may lead to a bloody mess.. I adviced talking to his "EX" crush and see what she really is before saying that she could have been better.. Don't avoid something that is unfinished for it might be too much too handle and one day explode with no warning.. Might end up losing his love for his GF and go with the other which is not really a nice thing to do..(I know what it feels like to be replaced) With the second friend, I told her that she should wait until her BF settles down.. Guys are born with jealousy.. Why?? It's in the genes and it has been inherited from our ancestors.. That is why guys have a bigger built to protect and repel any threat that approaches their points of interest Food, water, shelter, partner etc.. It's really up to her if she'll take my advice.. And well the one caught cheating...................uhmm I don't think it's really a good move to give advice with the kind of situation he's in so I kept my mouth shut.. AHHH!!! I was drained out to the point that I just wanted to experience another OBE. I was again deep inside my thoughts after giving advices and had alittle peace of mind which was very relaxing.. Ah yes everything goes with my imagination that is why I love being alone sometimes.. Not having to worry about anything and being able to do everything.. No wonder why I usually get bored with people talking about parties, girls, cars, or whatever physical topic that goes thru their head.. It's hard to find someone who finds it interesting to talk about abstract things. Things like emotions, ideas, opinions, or any weird topic that would lead to an endless talk of inspiration and insights.. Everyone can talk about......let's see.........a painting perhaps.. Just by looking at it wouldn't make that much of an impact as compared to feeling what the painter has gone through to come up with such a fine piece of art.. People may say the painting's weird or it has no inspiration at all blah blah blah.. What do they know about weird?? Weird is just a concept that was made by humans to describe other humans who think differently about this world.. Going beyond of what is normally seen is not weird.. Actually it's an ability to see thru the illusion of this physical world.. Seeing something that doesn't need to exist or feeling something that doesn't need to be physical is a rare and unique ability.. Overlooking a negative trait of a loved one requiers not to use your eyes but your heart.. This is called understanding.. Something that humans have neglected on doing.. That is why there are so many fights that are irrational.. Seeing and feeling with your heart is nothing special.. We are made to function that way for us to survive and live a life of happiness.. Going against this function would oppose our nature of being alive.. It's like using your phone to hammer down a nail.. Isn't that supposed to be a hammer's job?? Everyone has their own differences and that is what makes us unique from everyone else.. Differences should be guided by understanding, that way we can set aside our pride and be more compassionate on what others feel.. Isn't it good to have a listener by your side? But the sad thing is people see things with a shallow mind.. People are governed by the physical world they live in.. They think that if it's different then it doesn't fit.. To them difference means the opposite of things and that it wouldn't be appropriate to fit opposite things together.. Ok so take a look around then...... Why is it that gravity pulls us down, magnets stay together on opposite poles, electricity runs only along opposite charged poles.. Imagine these things inverting their roles: Gravity- we'll all float Magnets- the world would go off it's orbit since the sun acts like a giant magnet to keep it's orbit Electricity- charges won't attract each other, thus not having technology and we'll all live like cavemen.. These are just examples of what keeps the world on it's track I'm sure there are lots more..

Here I go again writing at the wee hours of the night.. I just love to write.. It feels like a channel that links my thoughts to this world.. I like sharing my thoughts to people who are interested and who understands whatever I write. It's like having a peep hole from my world to this world. Anyone who looks into it and finds it interesting can show me their own little world. And who knows, maybe there will be a bridge linking my world to another weird person and have unlimited visits..hehe
OKAAAAYYYY I'm talking gibberish now so post a comment if you want.. See the hyperlink that says comments? CLICK CLICK CLICK.. :D OH BTW guys, did you see the moon awhile ago?! It was freakin' huge and yellow! Just like cheese! Oh boy I just remembered.....I ate 4 slices of pizza today.. ARRGGGHHH!!! That would show on my belly!HAHA Gibberish again..errrr Felipe Medina Soriano Signing ooouuuuutttttttt...............*poof*

Ok another cool day

2007-03-06T03:38:00.000+08:00

Here I am again writing like a girl.. I just love writing so why would I be conscious of it??hehe Ok the day didn't turn out right.. I slept for only an hour and I don't think that was a good nights rest.. Then came the dreaded math test..OH MY GOD!!! what kind of a test was that?! It's not like we're going to build a rocketship to go to Mars! Anyways I also had to do this project of mine which made me go back to UST to resize the stupid thing.. I was soooo tired and irritated and to top it all of, I had to pay 100 pesos for some driver who's a lousy cheater.... The meter was already at 40 pesos when I stepped in..shouldn't it be 30 pesos?? The driver ignored my question and I didn't want to go thru the hassle of looking for another taxi.. Anyways my irritation and fatigue went away with her talking to me on YM again.. Nice it's like that's the only thing that I'm looking forward to..actually no, it's not the only thing. It's relaxing and I feel happy when I talk with her so I don't see anything wrong with that.. I don't really know what made her stand out.. Her simplicity maybe.. Simplicity is one of the traits I look for in a girl which is why she caught my attention.. Ok ok so am I just infatuated?? Nope, I think I'm old enough to differentiate what infatuation is from real attraction.. I learned from my old experience and I don't think it is right to forget what you've learned.. Ok here goes the time again when my ex broke up with me..BLAH BLAH BLAH Ok here goes, people tell me that I should forgive and forget.. Wait wait what was that again?? I don't think that statement implies with me.. Let me revise from "Forgive and forget" to "Forgive and never forget".. Why not forget? Forgiving is letting go of the pain that a certain person has given you and start the relationship over again as friends or whatever goes thru your mind.. Forgiveness doesn't really mean that there is no damage done.. Anything that is deformed will never get it's form back unless melting it and molding it again.. let's say plastic or aluminum cans.. So in human terms it's like dying and being reincarnated again.. But seriously now! Let's whip back to reality! Forgiveness is just a patch....like a band aid to protect the wound.. but once the band aid is taken off then comes the scar.. Yes the wound is healed but it's form is not the same as before.. Wait wait, going back to forgetting.. Never forget any pain that a person has inflicted on you.. Why you say?? Then how will you learn if you keep on forgetting?? Makes sense eh? Forgetting is like running away from the lessons that life has given you.. People forget to say that they have forgiven the person but it doesn't go that way.. What if they encounter the same problem again and do the same thing that they did before? Isn't one experience of the same thing enough?? Would you want to experience the pain again? I don't think so.. Learn from it, forgive the person afterwards.. Give thanks..For experience is something money can't buy..

What the hell! It's like I'm writing a novel here.. anyways for those who will read this: enjoy and maybe you can learn a thing or two.. post comments or whatever criticism you can think of.. Anything goes, that is why I post these thoughts on the net to see what reactions I get from the readers.. bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye..............for now..:D

Morning Insights...........

2007-03-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

Here I am pouring my thoughts on this blog.. Kinda mushy but a blog is like a diary except you post it on a website for everyone to feel what you feel.. I just had this thought in my head about the most mysterious emotion of all....love.. Yes love again.. Like I said before that love is not a game but a rule on how to treat your partner right.. I see people saying that love gives us pain and suffering, but on my opinion it doesn't. It's like breaking a rule in sports, once you break them it's annoying since you tried to follow every rule that the certain sport has implied. Simple things like the do's and don'ts of a game.. The same thing goes for love.. It's not just annoying but painful when you break a rule since you get immersed in the emotion. The game is life itself and love is just a rule.. How do you go thru life? These are the certain rules on different aspects of life: Career-concentration Friendship-sympathy Family-respect Relationships(love)-passion.. It's not hard to do the other things compared to love which is why it is harder to sustain.. How can you have passion without the drive to feel it? I mean if you don't really feel something for the person and you know that the relationship's not doing you any good then why pursue? And another issue is boredom.... People can feel if their partner's not putting enough effort on the relationship that they have built..

Here's what I think of relationships------------>

It is like knowing the blueprint of a building and only telling it to one person.. Then comes the building part where you share the troubles of knowing how to make it look like the blueprint.. The last part is how to maintain it, keeping it clean etc.. The blueprint is the conversation of what made you two interested with each other.. The building part is where you take your relationship to a higher level and hoping it would be finished with a unique ambience but still following the blueprint or the basics of how you two got attracted to each other.. How to maintain it is the hardest part since people are used to change.. They want everything to be like the first time.. Imagine eating spagetti for 3 years straight.. Wouldn't you go insane? Ok ok it's not like I'm saying that people should change partners every so often.. What I mean is that to maintain a relationship people should spice things up between their partner. It's like changing the interior of the building that two lovebirds have built.. Get the picture??? If one of them doesn't cooperate then it is obvious that the person concerned has given up and got bored of the relationship.. Passion to maintain the building....................It's hard but isn't that what people wanted to do in the first place? They want to experience love then live by the rules.. You can never skip nor go back.. Just go where the river takes you and wait until you reach the end.. Never expect...... For it might lead you to living a life of false hope.. It's just like a mirage in the middle of the dessert where you expect to drink from it and turns out that it was all in your imagination.. The more you expect the more it will fade.. And the time comes where you lose all hope and not have the power to go further which leads to blaming oneself and others for your mistake.. WOOT!!!!! I've been too engrossed in writing I didn't realize the time anyways hope that anyone who reads this would be inspired coz for me it did.............hehe weird inspiring my own self.....LOL HAHA

Why didn't I see it before??

2007-03-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

What the f*** happened to me today?? I saw her but I didn't make a move to approach her.. Is it true that one should be cautious of what you say? I still remember when I told my ex that she's my first and last, and that I would never be able to recuperate if ever we broke up. Sheesh, we've broken up for almost two years now and I've already moved on. But why is it that when I like someone I tend to shy away? Is it about what I told her that she would be my last? I regret saying that......... I'm not desperate but I need to know who is the right girl for me.. I'll just accept the fact that I won't be able to find her, who ever she is.... The words that I regret on saying has disguised itself as my shyness. So now I won't even bother looking for someone else if that's the case.. I feel like a coward waiting for the right situation instead of manipulating the situation... Oh well I'll just wait..wait...wait....and wait......

Can I Sing??

2007-03-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

The coolest thing just happened to me and my bestfriend today.. We were attending voice lessons like every other lessons we've gone to.. But today someone came up to us and proposed us a deal that one of us would sing in a studio for her new CD release. How cool is that?? We've just started like a month ago and now we'll be known in the UK? It's a tagalog album for Filipinoes in the UK, hopefully they'll like it if ever we sign the contract.... But I feel that something is still missing today and to make it worst I don't know what it is.. *sigh* I also got a chance to chat with her again but not too long and I think that made my day alittle colourful.:D

Back on Track

2007-03-04T03:56:00.000+08:00

Whew, just started to write again.. It's been a long while since I got inspired again to write. Got to finish this book of mine and hopefully receive the criticisms for me to improve it. My story's not that great, but I think it would be interesting on those people who's imagination are way beyond compare. I guess it's too abstract to the point that I don't know if I'm the only one who understands it. And maybe....just maybe.. I'll start to hand it out to friends and people who are interested for me to see their reaction. It's just hard sometimes to go deep inside my thoughts for me to get my feelings into writing. It's like trying to go from this physical world to an abstract world and still be able to make people understand your world of fantasy.

What's with my shyness?!

2007-03-02T04:46:00.000+08:00

Geez I saw her again and I was caught off guard.. Was daydreaming while walking..yes daydreaming..when suddenly I saw her.. Atleast I had the guts to look at her but my body was frozen. Will I ever have the courage to come up to her and introduce myself personally? I wouldn't want her to just wonder who she chats with and never show up to her personally.. Well the thing is that I didn't get much sleep *thanks to insomnia* and I wouldn't want to show my groggy face. Hopefully next week I'll be able to gather my thoughts and talk to her..

Happy Day

2007-02-28T04:25:00.000+08:00

Ok, I just engaged in the most inspiring chat today.. The girl that I saw and piqued my curiousity just talked to me on YM.. Well I know that it seems to be shallow and stuff but for me it was great. I don't talk to girls that much and now I talked to her for almost an hour.. Geez it may sound like I'm desperate, but no I'm not.. I just wanted to know her and awhile ago I just did.. Well don't know her that much yet but it's a start.. Am I being a stalker?? I don't think so.. I'm not the guy who goes up to a girl to ask her number and be her textmate or something. Ok ok, maybe for some it's freaky to just chat with her right away without even knowing her.. But here's my explanation........... I'm shy just talking to her what more with her friends around her all the time?? I'm a little paranoid so I wouldn't want her friends saying "who the hell was that?!".. It's just awkward and I might not find the right words to say.. So the question is why I got attracted without knowing her..that is why I'm chatting with her..DUH..haha

What you get with just talking to yourself..........

2007-02-15T04:09:00.000+08:00

Ohhhh k the most awaited day just passed and nothing special about it.. Wasn't too sure if everyone felt the same way, but it was satisfying in a way.. I got to be alone with myself for awhile and reflect on why I'm too cautious with having a partner........It's because I'll only live once and I would like to have the best for me.. Why would I love someone that would only give me migranes and a broken heart?? Who would want that to happen? So now I'm just taking my time on relationships.. It's not a race that I should have a girlfriend as soon as possible. Love is not a game, it is a rule on how you should treat your partner right once engaged in this certain situation. Once the rule is broken so does your little world of hope and happiness.. I think that we should just follow the true nature of love and not go against it. No wonder why couples fight over the silliest of things.. They have broken the most important rule of this emotion.. passion for it.. Go with the flow, don't just say that you love the person and deep inside you think the opposite.. I mean c'mon couples worry if their parents wouldn't approve their partners, but should love be governed by silly rules that this material world has to give??? So what if you can't go out with your partner because your parents are strict? Then find another way to spice things up. Always REMEMBER love is an abstract emotion and it doesn't live on physical means..it doesn't need to.. Can't force the river to flow the other way so don't force love to be physical. It's just not right to make something so vast and endless to be contained in just a jar. Let it out, it lives on emotions not on rules people give....................

What a weird day.....

2007-02-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

Ok this is the most freaky day of my life.. I've never thought that a girl would be so foward and ask me for a date!!! I don't even know her that well and now she's asking me out.. Geezz, what ever happened to boys asking girls out?? I don't care if I don't have a date and I am not that desperate to go out with anyone.. Why go out with someone you don't even have feelings for and end up getting annoyed because you didn't feel the "love"...tsk tsk Oh!!! and I saw this girl just the other day and I got very curious who she was......just saw her around school.. But I don't have the guts to ask her out, I mean we don't know each other and I think she has a boyfriend.. A girl that pretty wouldn't be single by this time..:) I know that I'm contradicting what I've just said with the why go out with someone you don't know.. Well.....that's why I didn't ask her out DUH..haha But it's rare for me to like someone from afar and if it only happens once in awhile then maybe my intuition is right.... Don't know her yet but time will tell if we would be able to know each other better..xiao:D

A little reflection on Valentines

2007-02-11T03:37:00.000+08:00

Ok, valentines day is near and yah I don't have a date.. It's not like I'm looking for someone, but for me it's not really a special day unless you have someone special....special enough to give your love to. Ahhh, imagine if everyone you see around you actually know the meaning of this day. I mean is it just giving flowers to your date and going out on a romantic dinner? Ever felt that sometimes you don't feel something and you just do it for the hang of it?? Maybe there is more to this so called love. Material things come and go, but emotions never fade...they just change from time to time.. Why is it that everyone thinks that giving material things to their partners would cover the hidden emotions towards their partner? *sigh* all I can say is that they are playing with the most powerful emotion of all.....love...

Para todos los que entienden esto.........

2007-01-06T14:33:00.000+08:00

No se que pasa pero ahora ya no tengo la gana para acer que cual quier cosa.. Ya voy en la universidad sin passion.. No puedo estar un momento sin pensar porque las personas son muy extraños.. Hay pocos que creen que ser otra persona es una manera de estar diferente.. Y porque vas a copiar una persona si tu quieres ser diferente?? Eso si no entiendo, hasta ahora creo que esta universidad es una mierda.. La educacion es buena pero las personas............ni me diga por Dios!!!

What a vacation!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-02T02:53:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Colombia!!! Whoohoo what a great country gonna miss it... I'm proud of my hometown it's been developed despite the guerillas trying to destroy everything.. And I just found out that one of our neighbour's a mafia! I thought they were only seen on movies but I actually saw how they look like and they are really freaky.. haha I wish I didn't have to depart from that country it's so calming and soothes the stress.. COLOMBIA TE AMO MUCHO CON TODO MI CORAZON, NO TE OLVIDES QUE SIEMPRE ESTARA TU MEMORIA EN MI MENTE!!!!! VIVA COLOMBIA Y TODO LOS PAIZES EN EL SUR DE AMERICA!!!!!! TE VOY A VISITAR OTRA VEZ COMO SIEMPRE HAGO CADA DOS AñOS, RECUERDA ESO TE VOY A VER Y VAMOS A TENER UN GRAN TIEMPO!!!

Goddamn!!!

2005-06-06T02:41:00.000+08:00

I thought that time can heal any misunderstanding?? And why do I still feel shitty up to now?! She was my first so I guess I'm gonna have to give more time to this stupid shit feeling of mine.. I even told her that she is my first and last and I think that will stay for long as I know.. Last....probably, after what she did to me I don't think that I would want to feel the pain again....The feeling of rejection and low self-esteem.. I don't care if I'm fat and ugly... Stupid people trying to judge me should just go mind their damn shit bussiness and die.. So what if I'm ugly?? And what makes them think that they're so beautiful or handsome?! I won't even bother on listening to stupid depressing love songs that gives false hope.. Metal metal metal!!! that's the music for the newly broken hearted it gives the strength of standing up after being beaten down by a loved one..

2005-04-06T02:11:00.000+08:00

Damn!!! Just broke up with my GF and now all that's left of her is a scar that she gave me.. Nice!!! Always thought that she was the one but it turns out that I was wrong.. I made a huge mistake of giving my everything to her...... I respected her and all with all my heart and soul but I don't think that was enough.. If it was then why did she go with another guy?! The last words were "I'm sorry Felipe but I found someone betterlooking"...WHOA!!! What gives!!! For the love of Christ what's with that statement?? Thought we had something much deeper than physical attraction? I was just another guy that turns out to be a real doofus by giving too much.. Is this the end?? I know that I'm not the greatest guy alive but how many guys can you see turn down seducing girls around school????? I'm not trying to impress anyone here but all I'm saying is that all the while I thought being conservative was a sign of a good guy trying to have a real relationship.. I'm not after anything physical, just her attention and passion for this relationship. Was I asking too much from her?? I don't know............I really don't know.. Maybe I was too jealous or I didn't meet her standards of a "goodlooking" guy..... What a way to bring down my self-esteem! I always had this mentality that for a bird to survive and stay in your hand, one should hold it just right not too loose for it will fly and not too tight for it'll suffocate.. That was what I did but it didn't work.. SHIT!!!! this isn't happening to me damn..................... I would rather be dead than be with this stupid feeling of suffering...... Fuck this I hate this crap all of those inlove be careful of what you are going to give.. When I was with her all I felt was happiness, passion, and love.. Now it's hatred, dispair, annoyance, disgust, and anger.. Oh well, shit happens and the shit now is this relationship that we once had....Thanks for your loyalty.. This is such a Mother****ing experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!