Mood Swings!!!

I just had the greatest day with a little annoying moments.. First the annoying moments.. I almost couldn't access this stupid blog coz they didn't initialize some stupid data that was in my e-mail. Had to recover it the hard way.. Goddamn it!!! So now the good part.. just had a long chat again with her from 3 to 6.. well like any other chat it wasn't continous.. but it was still long!!! She calls me a panda..hmmm wonder why.. She drew a cute panda by the way on her Devianart site.. made it my wallpaper..hehe but while I was chatting with her I saw the trailer of 300 on TV and realized that I haven't gone to the gym for a long long time.. Damn I need to get back to shape!!! I miss doing the exercises that I read from Bruce Lee books.. And BTW they really work.. Had his body shape in no more than one month.. Anyways back to the topic, she had to leave coz it's late anyways.. With a little text messaging I then had to read Phil History afterwards.. Oh and you know how irritating history teachers are? They get mad at the conquerors but don't they know that atleast they accelerated civilization in this country?? Gezz just leave the past alone and give thanks to what they did.. And the worst thing that happened today was the BF of my EX e-mailed me.. Talking bout friend stuff.. What the?? what's he trying to do? I'm not mad at him or anything but it doesn't seem right for me.. I'm kinda thankful that he existed.. If he wasn't there how would I know the real attitude of my GF? Atleast he was like the ultimate test.. A test to what my EX said.. "I wouldn't ever leave you for any guy in this world".. So David Naylor's from Mars then..HAHA I just found out why people do the silliest things when involved in a certain situation and ask others for advice..

When one's in a situation we tend to make a close bond with it.. This bond creates a certain enclosure for one to focus on it.. For example in a relationship.. We focus on our partners to maintain the bond with them.. So whatever happens inside the situation is undisturbed.. That is why we create like a force field around it.. Now when problems start to arise the only solution one can think of is that of what is enclosed within.. what is trapped inside the ball of the relationship.. Then comes the asking people for advices.. Since the people we talk to aren't involved in the situation they can come up with more solutions.. They don't just look what's inside but also what's outside the ball.. The tendancy of dwelling to much on the situation is our view is too narrow.. We only see solutions based on the limited view of things.. Black or white.. We don't see the many shades of grey that lies within black or white.. Ever heard someone say that to solve a problem is to think outside the box.. It means to picture oneself outside the situation.. Once outside, look for possible solutions then that's the time to go back in.. That is why it seems to be a good choice to look for other people for guidance.. They're outside all the time.. Consulting friends, family members, teachers etc.. Well for me it doesn't work that way.. I just bottle it up and try to solve my problems on my own.. I don't want to drag anyone in thinking they might get to involved and may never get out.. Martyr?? no I'm not the kind of person who expresses that much.. maybe that's why I'm always gloomy.. No fret coz it's who I am.. People tell me that I would die faster if I keep on doing it.. same goes with eating fast food and junkfood.. what makes me different? they keep on telling me that crying is a good therapy to release the depression.. Nope It's not my kind of thing.. I never cry..never.. people think I'm insensitive but it's who I am.. Why shed tears over something that can't be fixed even with the greatest of actions? Then what makes tears so helpful? My EX left me and I didn't shed a tear.. but destroyed most of my things in my room.. Isn't that one of the most hurtful thing that can happen to a human being? Being desserted by someone that you trusted with your life.. I just lead my anger to another route for it to be channeled out.. I believe that crying is a sign of an uncompleted task that you regret not doing with the person concerned.. I didn't cry with my EX coz I did what I believe a good BF would do.. I cared, loved, respected, protected, and most of all I gave her the fidelity of a BF.. I was lenient in everything she would do and say.. I didn't deprive her of anything she wanted to do.. She wants space, then so be it.. She wants someone else I just ask why.. But what happened? It all went down the drain.. so now you ask why I didn't cry? Simple, I gave her what she needed in a relationship and I have no regrets whatsoever.. She gave me something in return.. and that is a lesson that not all girls are worth it.. Ok call me a woman hater but I don't care of what people have to say.. So I have to go with the flow and follow them if they say that I should court alot of girls and have tons of GF? I don't think so.. You know why common guys have lots of GFs? That's coz they have little to give and nothing to care about.. It's like having a bank account that has 1 million dollars and the next day watching the bank you deposited your money go bankrupt without them giving you what you've lost.. Compare it to someone who has 10 dollars.. Ofcourse it would be a very devastating experience for the one who lost a million bucks compared to the one who only had 10.. It would be a traumatizing experience.. Then the person would have second thoughts of keeping his money in banks no matter how good the reputation the bank has.. That's how I feel about girls.. No matter how perfect the girl may look, my past experience would still be of a hindrance to me.. I'm afraid of giving something that would later go to waste.. Atleast I want someone that would treasure and recognize what I do for her.. just a simple sign that atleast she recognizes what I'm doing.. *sigh* That is why I look at girls differently.. I'm afraid of the chains that was once clasped in my hands when I was still with my EX.. DO THIS, DO THAT, DON'T DO THIS, DON'T DO THAT.. those words are the ones instilled in my brain at that time.. Yes I was being a follow dog and I felt like a puppet.. ENOUGH I won't be a stupid dog again.. Have to stand up for my sanity's sake!! Nomore Mr. Puppet!! The chain's already broken and I'm not with her anymore but the clasps remain on my wrists and ankles.. I'm just here waiting for my princess who holds the key of unlocking these clasps and break me completely from the agonizing memories that I still remember from time to time.. But when I do get attracted to someone else, I raise my hand and try to touch to know her alittle.. But then again I hear the sounds of the clasps and it reminds me of the painful experience I once had.. Then a voice would pop inside my head asking, "Are you sure?".. To be honest..no I'm not sure.. How will I break free if I keep on looking at the remains of the chain? But then again what makes me so sure that she has the right key to unlock the clasps? The cycle of questions are driving me insane in a way.. But it's better to be sure than be dead by trying too much.. Hopefully just hopefully someone out there holds the key.. I know she's out there.. She does exist..:)


Shit I'm all mushy and dramatic now.. Advice for the readers to please prepare an airsickness bag beside you incase you barf with my post..HAHA I wasn't depressed when I wrote this.. so don't go all "He's all emo" No, I'm not.. Just want people to know why I act this way towards the opposite sex..Ohhhhkkkkaaaayyy change of topic.... Anyone of you like gothic stuffs?? Try watching Cradle of Filth on You Tube.. I recommend Nymphetamine.. the video sux coz the lyrics and the acting doesn't match but it's still the shit!!! haha BTW they're based on a vampire gothic style of art so bare with them..hehe Oh and did you know that you can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze? It always closes upon sneezing..:D that's far off but a little trivia hasn't hurt anyone..hehe so..........anything else?................nothing?...................ok then...................*Felipe Medina Soriano* has disintegrated.................................................