For the love of God I could make it back to this blog that keeps on having a shut down.. Now I've forgotten most of my ideas and have to hypnotize myself to make it appear again..geezz Anyways just gonna state how good my first few days of my school was.. Until I discovered the schedule of a certain person.. Now it's only three times a week to meet up and that's not a hundred percent sure yet.. For the past few days I've totally changed my lifestyle and health.. I sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 5 even on weekends.. I've noticed that I feel rejuvinated after that kind of lifestyle and I'm gonna keep it that way.. I appreciate myself much more for the fact that I'm building muscles from every part of my body.. So much to keep me occupied that I'm using my braincells for the betterment of my whole being.. Getting dramatic but it's true.. The list goes on and now I want to have something far better than anything else.. A Sony Qualia Headphones!!! Having one would make me look at life in a whole new perspective.. For you see sound is a pleasure of mine that gives me an extatic feeling of bliss.. I'm sound sensitive and I get irritated when the sound quality is good but the headset sucks.. On the downside, it seems that I'm not going to have one 'til I get a job.. A headset like that costs 150,000 pesos or 3,000 US dollars.. I mean WTF!!! I don't care about the price tag aslong as it's cupped in my ears it's an irreplacable experience!!! Yet I'm still a student so that headphone's gonna have to wait..haha Actually I have a funny feeling that if that day comes....... I'm never gonna have a girlfriend for it will complete whatever emptiness I have..HAHA Right now, there's nothing more fulfilling than my gym routines.. I wake up everyday at 5, like I said, and go to the gym near the school.. Even if my class starts at 11.. I figured that it needs alot of discipline on the road to fitness.. I once had this dream of being a soldier and serving my country, Colombia.. I even keep a pamphlet stating the whole application stuff.. I'm dedicated to enter the army and maybe someday that will happen.. That is if I still can manage the time of being a doctor and a soldier.. Maybe a doctor in a military academy would serve me right.. So many dreams that are yet to be concretized.. And I realized something weird.. Everytime I go to the gym, there's this voice in my head asking me what's the point in having a good physique.. Well my answer to that little voice in my head would be self-confidence.. It's not that I don't have it, but reassuring myself that I'm in perfect health and being able to defend on some weirdo gives me the push to lift more iron.. I mean it's not good to be all bloated so why not give my body a break and do something good for it? I've had an experience before where I couldn't defend someone dear to me and I felt weak.. I'm a guy and I have to defend whatever threatens anyone or anything that's important to me.. Yes, that someone was my EX.. Although I'm over her it haunts my thoughts that what if I find someone and I couldn't do anything but watch when the threat comes.. I know it seems that I'm a warfreak but I'm not.. It's all about a guy's instinct and hope it follows through my genes.. There's this guy who kinda looks like a threat to me but I won't make a drastic move until it shows that I have to do something about it.. For now, I'm just gonna flee and avoid whatever conflict there is.. Plus it's a good thing that I have a new hobby which gives me the peace of mind that if ever something goes wrong with a certain person, I still have something to hold on to.. Basically there's nothing going on so I'm not sure yet.. Until then, there's still room for what I want to do.. Like I said before, I really am not into relationships but for me there's nothing wrong with alittle confession and I am willing to stand with it.. I'm not going to die if I don't have a GF so why force the issue, right? Well atleast I should know what the counterpart's thinking so I'll know what's going on.. Oh well that's it for now and hopefully I get my ideas flowing again..
And by the way, I didn't know that you could change the language setting on this blog.. I changed mine to Spanish and now I want to fly home.. Tsk how I miss Colombia.. My motherland and my people.. So, here I am signing out..
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
People would ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. My answer was that I need not one right now. I know my answer is quite vague and blurry. Need I say more if I can live my life without one? I mean I'm still young and a girlfriend is not the answer to complete every aspect of my life as of now. I still have dreams and tasks to concretize and it would only be a diversion if I had to focus my attention on a girl. I can live with my interests for now without any trouble of worrying if I would be lonely forever. Now is not the time for me to trouble myself of such petty thoughts of eagerness. Falling inlove would only involve in a pool of thoughts that would never go away unless done in a right way. It's like handling fire. If you touch it you would get hurt but if used in a correct manner it would do benefits and make life easy. So I'm taking my time to find her and stuff. Boys and girls are alike in a way with concern to relationships. We all wait for the right person to pop out. The only difference is that boys are the active waiters and girls are the passive ones. What do I mean by this? Us guys wait for the right girl and do the initial move to attract the girl. While the girl waits and attracts the guy afterwards or so. It can be the other way around for the girls, but whatever comes first the boys should be the ones who initiates the move. It would be weird and a huge turn off for a girl to tell the guy that she likes him and the guy hasn't made a move or something. In my behalf, it would be a long time before I wouldtell a girl what I feel. For the two times I did it, it all went wrong at some point in time. The first would be not to be too attached whileleaving nothing for oneself. And the second is that I should look beforeI leap. There's no regret for me doing this since every mistake I did is a valuable lesson to find the right one for me in the future.None of this has been a burden for my emotional aspect in life. No,I am not impatient but to blurt out the truth is that if the girl doesn't show any signs then why pursue? I mean it would look like I'm a hopelessloser with no dignity trying to please someone that had no interest inme from the start. Let's say I do get her attracted to me. Then what?It's like trying to be someone else and that would be a problem in the future. I admit that I had done a mistake in saying it but not a problem for me. Now I know that I should be a hundred percent sure that our interests match without me trying so hard to fit in. It's the best type of attraction. Getting attracted the natural way instead of the physical and persuating way. I know that I might have seen her, but I'm not goingto do the same actions I did before. I should wait and see if the signs are really pointing to a direction that is applicable to me. I jumped into conclusions and it turned out that it wasn't what it seems. So to avoid any misunderstandings with this one, I'm gonna wait and sit backto see if my intuition's right for once. I won't get emotionally attached this time for it will bring despair once too close. I'm single and happy with my status. Nothing to worry about unlike recently where I wouldwonder if what I'm doing was right or not. Disattached and faraway is the right thing for me to be able to know what's up her head for now.Not involving emotions for awhile and putting logic as the front line of defense to keep sanity intact. Everything was connecting until shehad to leave. She was here for the summer and now the chance will only flourish every summer. I should wait for that time and moment for I know it's worth it. For now, there's nothing that can distract me since there's noone to see in where I study. The university is now an empty space for me to be free. No worries of seeing someone and getting alltoung tied for some unknown reason. Yes, I know it's not appropriate to disconnect right away. But why wait for nothing? It's like trying to see if there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's the last thing that I would like to happen to me. Getting all worned up for an empty hope of happiness. Now I'm happy to be out of the worries that was once my pool of thougts. My conclusion is correct and now I'm going to stick to it. Nothing's happening? Then stop.. That's what I did so I shifted to see if there's really another pot of gold somewhere else. Maybe this is it.. Although the pot of gold is far from the region I live in. Left last saturday and going back next summer.. I'll see about what will happen then.. I know that I have lost to a school rival and now it's not that significance or any burden to my actions. What's done is done. Gonna have to see what this new attraction has brought me..