Friday, October 19, 2007

The road to nowhere...

For more than a month I managed to find time to write on this blog. Well most of my ideas flew away anyways. But still I'm back on track. For the past few months I've been engaged in a tremendous addiction for bodybuilding. And to tell you the truth I loved it. Even up to now I'm having this weird feeling everytime I wake up. A feeling that I should be doing something that I want and not waste time. Yes, you guessed it. I workout 5 times a week and feel terrible on Saturday and Sunday coz I can't wait for Monday to start again. What can I say, I'm a gym addict that's for sure. Although alot of people are discouriging me to stop. Some say it's not working while some say my body's too big for my image. Then I start to put into consideration these set of opinions. If I listened to them then I would be left with nothing but regrets. The fact that I let people live my life. Why not let time pass and see how far I'll go. I mean I don't meddle with other people's interests so why let others meddle with mine? Why not let feel the right feeling? It's like driving a car going 130 Mph and not worrying about the time and destination. Why not feel free and let the speed take you away. Don't bother with signs telling you where to go. Like they said it's the trip not the destination that's exciting. So why eager to reach a destination? If the excitement is already happening inside you then why stop? There's no point to it. Let's say you did follow the signs and led you somewhere unfamiliar. And you expect it to be exciting yet you get boredom. Isn't that annoying in some sense? What I'm trying to point out here is that those signs are what you want to feel for the moment and not for a lifetime. If you dance, you dance cause you like dancing not the applause of the audience. That's the main reason why I live up to what I want and not let opinions disrupt my journey. Applause and acceptance are mere supplements of what you want to be. It's just like a multivitamin boosting what's really inside you. People can't live on multivitamins alone, they need "real" food to fulfill the assistance of such medication. The passion of doing something is like that full size meal that you gulp down and if you have time pack it with some multivitamin. Don't make acceptance be the main reason why you do such acts. Coz once the passion is dead inside, then there's no point in having applauses around you. You're not enjoying what you're doing anymore. It's more like enjoying the attention. And once the attention is gone then what? You regret of listening to opinions. Wouldn't it be better if you were famous cause you're special and not the other way around? If you were to ask me, I wouldn't want to be special cause I'm famous. It's better to be accepted with what you're made of, not with what you're trying to be.

Well that's long enough. Although I was drunk in doing this post, I tried to put my heart into it anyways. Hope you enjoyed reading it. Signing out............

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


For the love of God I could make it back to this blog that keeps on having a shut down.. Now I've forgotten most of my ideas and have to hypnotize myself to make it appear again..geezz Anyways just gonna state how good my first few days of my school was.. Until I discovered the schedule of a certain person.. Now it's only three times a week to meet up and that's not a hundred percent sure yet.. For the past few days I've totally changed my lifestyle and health.. I sleep at 9:30 and wake up at 5 even on weekends.. I've noticed that I feel rejuvinated after that kind of lifestyle and I'm gonna keep it that way.. I appreciate myself much more for the fact that I'm building muscles from every part of my body.. So much to keep me occupied that I'm using my braincells for the betterment of my whole being.. Getting dramatic but it's true.. The list goes on and now I want to have something far better than anything else.. A Sony Qualia Headphones!!! Having one would make me look at life in a whole new perspective.. For you see sound is a pleasure of mine that gives me an extatic feeling of bliss.. I'm sound sensitive and I get irritated when the sound quality is good but the headset sucks.. On the downside, it seems that I'm not going to have one 'til I get a job.. A headset like that costs 150,000 pesos or 3,000 US dollars.. I mean WTF!!! I don't care about the price tag aslong as it's cupped in my ears it's an irreplacable experience!!! Yet I'm still a student so that headphone's gonna have to wait..haha Actually I have a funny feeling that if that day comes....... I'm never gonna have a girlfriend for it will complete whatever emptiness I have..HAHA Right now, there's nothing more fulfilling than my gym routines.. I wake up everyday at 5, like I said, and go to the gym near the school.. Even if my class starts at 11.. I figured that it needs alot of discipline on the road to fitness.. I once had this dream of being a soldier and serving my country, Colombia.. I even keep a pamphlet stating the whole application stuff.. I'm dedicated to enter the army and maybe someday that will happen.. That is if I still can manage the time of being a doctor and a soldier.. Maybe a doctor in a military academy would serve me right.. So many dreams that are yet to be concretized.. And I realized something weird.. Everytime I go to the gym, there's this voice in my head asking me what's the point in having a good physique.. Well my answer to that little voice in my head would be self-confidence.. It's not that I don't have it, but reassuring myself that I'm in perfect health and being able to defend on some weirdo gives me the push to lift more iron.. I mean it's not good to be all bloated so why not give my body a break and do something good for it? I've had an experience before where I couldn't defend someone dear to me and I felt weak.. I'm a guy and I have to defend whatever threatens anyone or anything that's important to me.. Yes, that someone was my EX.. Although I'm over her it haunts my thoughts that what if I find someone and I couldn't do anything but watch when the threat comes.. I know it seems that I'm a warfreak but I'm not.. It's all about a guy's instinct and hope it follows through my genes.. There's this guy who kinda looks like a threat to me but I won't make a drastic move until it shows that I have to do something about it.. For now, I'm just gonna flee and avoid whatever conflict there is.. Plus it's a good thing that I have a new hobby which gives me the peace of mind that if ever something goes wrong with a certain person, I still have something to hold on to.. Basically there's nothing going on so I'm not sure yet.. Until then, there's still room for what I want to do.. Like I said before, I really am not into relationships but for me there's nothing wrong with alittle confession and I am willing to stand with it.. I'm not going to die if I don't have a GF so why force the issue, right? Well atleast I should know what the counterpart's thinking so I'll know what's going on.. Oh well that's it for now and hopefully I get my ideas flowing again..

And by the way, I didn't know that you could change the language setting on this blog.. I changed mine to Spanish and now I want to fly home.. Tsk how I miss Colombia.. My motherland and my people.. So, here I am signing out..

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Drift Away....

People would ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. My answer was that I need not one right now. I know my answer is quite vague and blurry. Need I say more if I can live my life without one? I mean I'm still young and a girlfriend is not the answer to complete every aspect of my life as of now. I still have dreams and tasks to concretize and it would only be a diversion if I had to focus my attention on a girl. I can live with my interests for now without any trouble of worrying if I would be lonely forever. Now is not the time for me to trouble myself of such petty thoughts of eagerness. Falling inlove would only involve in a pool of thoughts that would never go away unless done in a right way. It's like handling fire. If you touch it you would get hurt but if used in a correct manner it would do benefits and make life easy. So I'm taking my time to find her and stuff. Boys and girls are alike in a way with concern to relationships. We all wait for the right person to pop out. The only difference is that boys are the active waiters and girls are the passive ones. What do I mean by this? Us guys wait for the right girl and do the initial move to attract the girl. While the girl waits and attracts the guy afterwards or so. It can be the other way around for the girls, but whatever comes first the boys should be the ones who initiates the move. It would be weird and a huge turn off for a girl to tell the guy that she likes him and the guy hasn't made a move or something. In my behalf, it would be a long time before I wouldtell a girl what I feel. For the two times I did it, it all went wrong at some point in time. The first would be not to be too attached whileleaving nothing for oneself. And the second is that I should look beforeI leap. There's no regret for me doing this since every mistake I did is a valuable lesson to find the right one for me in the future.None of this has been a burden for my emotional aspect in life. No,I am not impatient but to blurt out the truth is that if the girl doesn't show any signs then why pursue? I mean it would look like I'm a hopelessloser with no dignity trying to please someone that had no interest inme from the start. Let's say I do get her attracted to me. Then what?It's like trying to be someone else and that would be a problem in the future. I admit that I had done a mistake in saying it but not a problem for me. Now I know that I should be a hundred percent sure that our interests match without me trying so hard to fit in. It's the best type of attraction. Getting attracted the natural way instead of the physical and persuating way. I know that I might have seen her, but I'm not goingto do the same actions I did before. I should wait and see if the signs are really pointing to a direction that is applicable to me. I jumped into conclusions and it turned out that it wasn't what it seems. So to avoid any misunderstandings with this one, I'm gonna wait and sit backto see if my intuition's right for once. I won't get emotionally attached this time for it will bring despair once too close. I'm single and happy with my status. Nothing to worry about unlike recently where I wouldwonder if what I'm doing was right or not. Disattached and faraway is the right thing for me to be able to know what's up her head for now.Not involving emotions for awhile and putting logic as the front line of defense to keep sanity intact. Everything was connecting until shehad to leave. She was here for the summer and now the chance will only flourish every summer. I should wait for that time and moment for I know it's worth it. For now, there's nothing that can distract me since there's noone to see in where I study. The university is now an empty space for me to be free. No worries of seeing someone and getting alltoung tied for some unknown reason. Yes, I know it's not appropriate to disconnect right away. But why wait for nothing? It's like trying to see if there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's the last thing that I would like to happen to me. Getting all worned up for an empty hope of happiness. Now I'm happy to be out of the worries that was once my pool of thougts. My conclusion is correct and now I'm going to stick to it. Nothing's happening? Then stop.. That's what I did so I shifted to see if there's really another pot of gold somewhere else. Maybe this is it.. Although the pot of gold is far from the region I live in. Left last saturday and going back next summer.. I'll see about what will happen then.. I know that I have lost to a school rival and now it's not that significance or any burden to my actions. What's done is done. Gonna have to see what this new attraction has brought me..

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Jump start...

Got to access this blog for 2 consecutive days and hopefully it won't be the last time today.. Been having the urge to write and all.. Anyways today was a pretty good day actually. Got to talk to someone important for I don't know how long coz of this stupid PLDT service.. Trying to open the topic if I can call the person but it think I would give it a rest coz it might look like I'm trying too hard.. So the day goes on and it kinda sucks for I didn't get to workout. Everyone said that working out should have rest days and stuff.. And I believe that too so tomorrow I'm gonna do extra for the rest I did today.. I learned that results doesn't come in an instant so I'm taking my time in having a healthy lifestyle.. No preservatives or anything that can jam my system. Funny thing is that I kinda relate everything to relationships.. Geez since working out only use skeletal muscles so I decided to use my brain aswell by thinking of ideas that would relate love to what I'm doing at the moment.. I had a little lesson that would give me a food for thought and it would be patience.. No matter how hard you try it seems that the results aren't showing up like it's supposed to be, right? Wrong! It's all up in our heads and how we look at the effort and result.. Effort may not bring the desired results if done in a wrong or awkward way.. Instead look at it this way.. Every effort comes a result in the end.. Good or bad it's still considered a result or an outcome.. Don't force the effort to bend the way you want it to.. Just take the effort slowly and feel it while being patient on the outcome.. Nothing that requieres development shows up in a day or two.. Do what ever effort that has been ongoing and amplify if necessary.. Make sure that the effort is being implied in the correct manner.. If the person says this then bend.. Don't force the issue and make it go the way you want it for it will break the connection inbetween.. Never get impatient for it will lead to desperation.. And believe me noone wants to be labeled as a desperate loser by anyone around them.. Do whatever basic style there is and go with it.. Just like waiting for a muscle to pop out from a desired part of the body.. Look at it in the mirror and see if there are any developments.. If not then there must be something wrong.. Change the position or so.. Same goes with relationship.. If nothing happens then there must be something wrong with the approach.. Try modifying it while it's still in shape.. Don't force the issue coz someone told you that this style works for all women.. Tell you what, most girls dress up like dolls thinking that it would catch the eye of every guy they pass by.. Well, not for me.. And I don't think I'm the only guy in the world who thinks the same way.. They are flirts and wannabes so why have a GF like that? Just be yourself and go with the flow of whoever you like and deal with it.. Don't like what the person really is in the end? Then talk about it and stay as friends.. Yes it's harder for girls to let go of a guy since they are the ones waiting for someone to come up to them.. Unlike guys, they go around and it's normal for them to ask a girl out since it's our nature to do so.. It would be weird and a huge turn off if a girl asked a guy out. So letting go for guys is nothing compared to that of the girls.. As I see it, maybe there isn't nothing going on in my love life but it's nothing to be bothered about since it would just ruin the whole mystery of who is out there for me.. Guys wait too for the right girl to be able to know if the girl is right or not.. Having that in mind makes the guy a decent suitor for he waits the right time and not drool over every girl in town.. For me, I'm just taking my time and effort for someone to be able to see if it's worth the wait and love.. I have failed once so it's natural for me to be cautious about this kind of things.. I don't care if my friends would tell me that I'm acting like a girl.. It would be my loss if I would follow everyone's advices to get all the number of the girls I see.. It doesn't work like that for me.. What if I jump too fast knowing the ledge is fragile and I fall before I realize it.. Commiting the same mistake twice is a very very stupid act for a human being.. I mean animals learn fast when they get hurt and try to avoid the danger by staying far away from it. And we are human beings capable of processing complex thinking with ease.. Then we spill the milk twice in the same place and manner? Don't think so.. I wouldn't want to be labeled as stupid.. Slow with girls is perfectly fine, but stupid with regards to relationships.. No way.. I'm not saying that I'm very picky and that I'm the perfect guy to think this way.. But look at it this way.. We only live once in this lifetime so why not get the best? Best doesn't mean the most goodlooking, smartest, coolest person.. But best with concern to your interest.. So what's my idea of a best girl for me? Everything simple.. No makeup, no perky accent, not trying hard to speak english, and usually helping her parents with everything.. Nothing really big but it's my preference. With all the double crossing girls out there, I think it would be the best thing if caution is being practiced..

So another long and weird post by a weird writer.. Anyways really bothered by the way I write.. It's not the same but I guess it'll do..:D Just happy that I can pour all of my thoughts in this blog again.. Oh and I got myself a weird source of happiness so I'm gonna share it in this blog.. I now have the waist line of 28 and I only weigh 63 Kg.. I have a waistline of a girl and that's good!haha Sorry for the perky happiness.. I know it's low but it's an achievement for meh! So I'm gonna sign out now.bye bye

Back again..

It's been a month since I've posted something new here. Stupid blog won't let me enter my account. Anyways I've got alot to talk about but I'm gonna summarize everything so it won't take up much space. I've been through alot this summer. Summer classes to start with. It was fun I was hoping that it was a little bit longer coz the people are easy to get along with. Next is the love part. Oh boy this is the hard part. Well, my phone was busted for more than a week and didn't get to communicate with friends. Plus my comp was acting up so I had to reformat it 3 times. Jesus Christ whats with electronics?! They hate me, I know.. So, it's a matter of momentum change and alittle of disappointment. It's not like I didn't remember or got tired, but sometimes it's just out of my power to do something about it. I know it has slowed down and it's back to the drawing board. Had the chance and all yet didn't grab it to the fullest. I learned that maybe if it couldn't stand the test of connection then it's nothing to be worried about. Why? coz if I would worry about nothing then I would get nothing in return. Knowing that nothing will happen 'xcept the fact that it would only be as strong as friends then so be it. It's not like I would die or something. That's the point of existence. Being with someone in the end of your lifetime. But hey, I'm still young and maybe I will find whoever will be there for me. Boredome has stricken the whole meaning of my actions and now I should pay the price of not being able to do something. That's the main lesson I've learned this summer. Wait for the results but don't get too engrossed for it will consume one's virtue that is categorized as patience. I'm pretty sure that I would only have someone beside me by the age of 28. It's no big deal. The only problem is that I already had a basis for having someone that would be there for me. Yet it was a failure for the lack of physical contact and communication. It feels good to be able to hold someone. I know how it feels and it would be in my system to look for someone that would do the same 'xcept the leaving me for another guy part. So here I am now waiting yet not getting impatient. Thought I was close enough but it seemed to drift away. I'm going to learn to disipline my self to not jump into conclusions for it would make my world break into a million pieces. I don't know if what ever I did still stands. I'm alittle nervous of going back to school for I don't know if it's still the same if ever I see what matters to me as much as passing through that certain building. Maybe it has died down and I would just try my luck the next time I admit something to someone. It's rare for me to do that and now I would be more cautious of my actions. Not to say anything until it seems to be the appropriate time to say so. I busted another chance and yet I don't feel lost. It's the principle of mine that every disappointment comes a lesson afterwards to not commit the same mistake in the future.

Love is always around just like the air we breathe. It's just a matter of inhaling in the right place. Whatever you cough out means it's not good for your body and whatever makes you feel energetic makes your body healthy. Same with the love that you make your heart overcome. If it makes you feel sick then stop. It's the most logical way for one to keep sanity in it's line. That's the second time I admitted and I won't be doing it in the near future I guess. Have to be 100% sure before saying it. The first time yes it was a success but after 2years time it failed. The second was confusing since I don't know how to initialize any affection for what I know is to maintain and not to start one. I don't know how I would face whatever lagging that I commited but it's life and shit happens most of the time. Just like an education with lots of stupid homeworks to suck the life out of every student.

There I guess it would be better if I finish off here for I might get to dramatic and that is not my kind of thing. Hopefully someone would read and understand this post for I don't know what happened to my writing style. Maybe it's still the same but I feel that it has changed a bit from reading to much Shakespear novels and love stories. Damn! What going on with me?! I'm like a lovesick person who can't even initialize a conversation with the opposite sex. Geez, anyways this post would end here.... Pzzzt

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Up in the clouds!!!

Finally I can open my blog. It's been a long time since I updated.tsk Anyways this entire week's like an illusion to me. Never thought I would tell her that I like her and that I would talk to her on the phone for almost an hour. Actually it's been going on for like four days now. Well not everyday since I don't want to bother her that much. Everytime we talk I feel like time stops and there's a deep feeling of bliss inside me. The entire conversation's like a time machine that stops everything that isn't of the concern for that moment. But ofcourse I also get annoyed coz the conversation cuts due to the fact that there isn't much credits left on my account. Damn Smart telecom! Can't they atleast copy Sun for an unlimited talk?! Geez everytime it cuts I feel like something is missing.. Coz there's so much to talk with her and I feel like the entire night's not enough for it. I just keep in mind that there's always tomorrow and it would be another day where I get to talk to her again..hehe Now I'm thankful of FlashGear public chat program.. Without summer would be dull and colourless.. Since it all started there.. Hmmm I wonder if she feels the same.. But anywho it doesn't matter as long as I make her laugh and all.. Atleast I keep her company even for some minutes of the late night..

Wow the entire post's about her.. nice nice, but why keep it inside when I can express it?hehe I like expressing to people alot. But it depends really on who and how. It all made me think of why there's a fine line between fear and love. Fear is there to supplement love in some ways. I mean how can you keep love without the fear of losing it? Love wanders around and when it stikes your heart, you don't want to let go for the feeling it gives is beyond compare. It think Cupid shoots the arrow only on one person and the other arrow is being given to that person inlove. Now, it all depends if that person is willing to shoot and hit.. And the other person's like a moving target that needs patience and perseverance to make a direct hit. Getting all impatient and annoyed would make the person miss thus creating a pool of annoyance since there was only one arrow left to use. hmmm maybe I still have the arrow in my hand....or have I launched it through the air.. dunno can't tell 'til it lands on the target.. Hopefully it does..hehe

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Another case of dismay..

Shit happens for a reason and this is one of them.. Although I'm disappointed at myself right now it's not going to be a headache for my part anymore.. I've done nothing wrong and there isn't anyone to blame.. All I did was to be honest of who I was and show what it is like to be different from the other guys.. But hey, if it didn't work then there is still someone that'll notice and maybe in return give the same deal.. Being turned down doesn't mean that I'm no good of a person.. It just shows that I'm not the right one so why be troubled with the idea of what would happen next? Respecting the female counterpart is not every guy's motive so if it's not every girls dream to have someone who thinks this way then there will be someone else to show it.. I don't think it's really hard to find one who thinks the same way with regards to girls.. If I exist then there should be one out there that thinks the same way I do.. I don't cry coz I have to be strong for the one in shambles, I respect for me to be respected, I keep fidelity a golden rule for hoping I would be treated likewise, I stay calm for nothing exists without a solution, I give whatever is needed to the situation for it to stay the way it was.. Rocking the boat isn't my thing so if it's not going to work that way then stop.. Shift to another and find what's best for me.. No signs of the girl liking me? Then there will be some other who will eventually give.. Can't force the issue on things more so if hope is not on my side.. Even the greatest of warriors can lose hope if the signs of success is narrowed down to despair.. I'm just a simple guy and no matter what I do there isn't anything more discombobulating than having hope on something that is of an illusion.. I like the person alot and if the person doesn't like me back then why push? The thousands of girls I see everyday, I haven't felt this way but if it's not going to be a right path then I should go back and wait for another road to open up and maybe cross it if the signs point to "yes go for it".. The person was perfect for me but I wasn't perfect.. Ok now it's absurd to think this way but puzzle pieces sometimes fit on the wrong side yet it looks perfect.. It's a matter of knowing the figure and making it match to complete the puzzle.. Like they say "To show true love you shouldn't just appreciate the rose alone, but love the thorns aswell".. This is what I did yet it didn't show how much I sacrificed.. I will then let the rose down and see who can take good care of it.. For it seems that I'm not the right heir for it's heart.. If I can find my princess then hopefully for her I can be her prince.. I haven't given up just yet but I know that it'll go nowhere for how will she know if I don't say it.. Is it wrong to like someone and make it unknown to anyone who opposes such idea? Why hide such feelings when they are there to be expressed? It's not the concern of anyone but the couples for they are the ones making each other happy with every moment that they are together.. There will be someone out there who thinks the same way.. I just know it..

Ok that was long.. well just pouring what I feel here even if I can't express it to the person for there is a hindrance.. Either sign is fine with me just aslong as I know what the person thinks.. Rejection is also acceptance in a negative way for it repels you to a lower level.. Can't like me back then she accepts me as a friend.. So why fret, eh? Anyways I know she doesn't like me so not going to be bothered by the thought as to tell her or not what I feel.. Not like before where I plan and get all rushed if I'll tell her or not.. If the person doesn't want me to say it then fine by me for it's no big of a deal.. So that's it for now.. Btw don't watch Sunshine! The movie sucks like a broken vaccum. Sucks at sucking that's how bad it is.haha Don't waste your money for that stinking movie! I mean going to the sun and not get burned?! Geez so Science is not having any arguments on this?